Supreme Court Overturns Bush v. Gore
WASHINGTON—"Al Gore has prevailed—I hope he can see this nation through a catastrophic recession and an unending war in Iraq," said George W ...
Issue 4450
Manager Achieves Full Mastery Of Pointless Managerial Jargon
CHARLOTTE, NC—Coworkers knew James Atkins had become a virtuoso of business jargon when he asked the group to participate in a "targeted brainstorm by ...
Town Fails To Rally Around Adult Trapped In Well
CATONSVILLE, MD—"What's a man that age doing near a well to begin with?" said Janice Peters, who spent the day not praying for ...
Bush's Eyelid Accidentally Nailed To Wall
WASHINGTON—President George W. Bush sustained a perforation injury to his right eyelid when a pneumatic nail gun malfunctioned and shot a...
Tennis Ball Brought On Trip
FT. LAUDERDALE, FL—Jeremy McCormick, 14, confirmed Tuesday that he brought a tennis ball on his trip to Florida. "I figured I'd bring it...
Either Someone 14th Caller Or Everything On Fire At Spanish Radio Station
SAN JOSE, CA—According to sources, either a listener of local Spanish-language radio program Mañana Gigante con Luis y Moon Dog...
Lie To Cover Surprise Party Sounds More Fun Than Surprise Party
HOPATCONG, NJ—A lie told to 28-year-old Kyle Bida to cover up a surprise birthday party to be held in his honor later this evening ...
McCain Stares At Screen, Attempts To Write Family Christmas Letter
SEDONA, AZ—After procrastinating for several hours by watching It's A Wonderful Life and old John Wayne movies, former Republican...
Cranberry Juice Industry Hoping 2009 A Big Year For Urinary Tract Infections
LAKEVILLE, MA—The nation's leading cranberry juice producers announced Monday that they are banking on a record number of Americans...
Bush Frustrated By Mother's Constant Questioning Of His Plans Post-White House
WASHINGTON—With his departure from office only months away, President George W. Bush told reporters Monday that he is "fed up" with the way...
College Too Expensive?
The National Center for Public Policy and Higher Education issued a report last week warning that college costs are in danger of outstripping...
New Portable Sewing Machine Lets Sweatshop Employees Work On The Go
From our Bangladesh channel: The Smart Stitch is being hailed as a revolutionary garment factory that fits in the palm of your hand.
President To Face Down Monster Attack, Own Demons In Action-Packed Schedule
The press secretary tells reporters that before the president can defeat the monster, he'll have to defeat his greatest enemy of all: his own ...
Acorns Missing In Northeast
In states from Virginia to Maine, oak trees have failed to produce the usual abundance of acorns. What do you think?
'Bard' Captivates Potter Fans
J.K. Rowling's first post–Harry Potter book, The Tales Of Beedle The Bard, has become another bestseller for the author. What do you...
