NEW YORK—"Tremble before the might of this cooperative assembly of appointed representatives," said Ban Ki-moon, clutching a stack of diplomatic resolutions.

BOWLING GREEN, KY—"Either the poor bastard is getting smacked in the face with a wooden plank, or he's tumbling down a spiral staircase ...

KNOXVILLE, TN—"A simple 'thanks' from the higher-ups would be nice," said Joseph Garten, who spends nearly 60 percent of his week making personal calls ...

HOBOKEN, NJ—Terrifying every innocent bystanders in its wake, a menagerie of hideously hued orange beasts burst from the Hollywood Tans on...

WASHINGTON—In preparation for the traditional task of welcoming his successor to the Oval Office, outgoing president George W. Bush canceled...

WASHINGTON—A team of nine specially trained handlers have successfully lured outgoing vice president Dick Cheney into a reinforced steel...

WASHINGTON—President Bush collapsed to the floor of the Oval Office during a meeting with advisers when spiderlings hatched from thousands of...

SPRINGFIELD, IL—Hoo, boy, if you thought Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich had finished soliciting bribes from state officials, shamelessly...

KANSAS CITY, MO—While checking his news feed for updates on the 438 people in his extended network Monday night, Tom Allessandro, 24,...

CHICAGO—A lesser piece of paper—one of no practical utility and little overall consequence—was used Monday to test out the...

In an effort to cut maintenance costs and generate capital, General Motors is auctioning off some 200 cars from its 1,000-plus collection,...

SCOTTSDALE, AZ—Weeks after being arrested for driving under the influence while seeking out oral sex from a certain particularly skilled partner, NBA legend and ...

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND—Upon receiving the FIFA World Player of the Year award Monday, Manchester United winger Cristiano Ronaldo thanked his...

GLENDALE, AZ—In the type of wager normally placed between mayors of the cities playing in major sporting events, coach Andy Reid vowed to...

NEW ORLEANS—Following the Eagles NFC divisional playoff victory over the Giants, Archie Manning, retired NFL player and father of Peyton and...

SCOTTSDALE, AZ—All-time stolen base leader Rickey Henderson told Baseball Hall of Fame officials Monday that he would only join...

CHARLOTTE, NC—Claiming that he felt "rushed," Panthers quarterback Jake Delhomme failed to connect on a 5-foot pass to his Capital Grille...

p>Voters almost unanimously sent Rickey Henderson to Cooperstown, but some inductees barely made the cut. We run down the controversies, debates, and...

The Heisman Trophy–winning quarterback just led Florida to the national championship. But is this son of missionaries any good?

Community members who didn't burn to death are struggling to accept the devastating loss of so much premium fuel.

Rep. Cummings (D-VA) wants to mark Obama’s historic inauguration with an intricately choreographed dance piece of his own creation.

Unless it is able to overcome a budget shortfall by February, California may be mailing out IOUs instead of tax refunds this year. What do ...

A report from the group Families USA says that the cost of maintaining health insurance for a family under COBRA consumes, on average, nearly 84...

Blake Fielder-Civil has filed for divorce, claiming wife Amy Winehouse has been unfaithful. What do you think?

Joe Straus, a Republican from San Antonio who has been elected speaker of the Texas House of Representatives, is the first Jew to hold the ...

The Gannett Company, publisher of 85 daily newspapers across the United States, is making all its employees take a weeklong unpaid furlough to avoid...