adBlockCheck

Issue 4505

Area Man Already Tired Of Prison

SHERIDAN, OR—"Honestly, what am I supposed to do now?" First-time inmate Martin Hayes asked. "Sit-Ups? Did some already. And I finished the book I brought with me."

Super Bowl XLIII Spontaneously Breaks Out On Media Day

TAMPA BAY, FL—In what started as a midfield photo opportunity between opposing team captains and ended as a hard-fought 60-minute competition to become the NFL champion, Super Bowl XLIII was suddenly and unexpectedly played Tuesday during...

Super Bowl XLIII

It's a classic big-offense vs. tough-defense Super Bowl. For now, we'll ignore how defense always wins those.
End Of Section
  • More News

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close