WASHINGTON—Executives at Hellmann's welcomed the news by announcing an entire line of lukewarm, sun-soaked, and partially turned mayonnaises.

GREAT BROOK FARM STATE PARK, MA—"'Tis has been a long and bitter struggle with our foolhardy American cousins," said 2nd Lt. Henry Bertram of ...

CHICAGO—"I'm having a blast," said Brian Konig, unaware that work-related stress and financial responsibility will soon put a tragic end to his personal ...

MODESTO, CA—Telling friends that she "just ate a huge thing of yogurt four hours ago," local woman Vanessa Stroud chided herself Tuesday for...

WASHINGTON—In his first major gaffe since taking office, President Obama accidentally stepped too close to the ferocious, man-eating plants...

WASHINGTON—Under the provisions of a bill approved by Congress and signed into law Tuesday, every 25-year-old American, regardless of prior...

WASHINGTON—While giving a speech Tuesday on the benefits of raising the ethanol level in gasoline to expand the lucrative biofuel industry,...

CHICAGO—Offering low annual deductibles and negotiable premiums for college students and redheads, officials from sleazy medical insurer...

LIVONIA, NY—Mere hours after watching Rob Reiner's classic 1987 film The Princess Bride with his children, area father William Loomis...

Rush Limbaugh is once again in the national media spotlight, this time for saying, among other things, that he hopes Obama and his economic...

PUNTILLA LAKE, AK—"I have to pull it together," added the dog, making a point of directly addressing his musher, two-time Iditarod champion Lance Mackey ...

ATLANTA—Although Tony Stewart and his Old Spice Chevrolet rallied from two laps down to finish a respectable eighth in Sunday's Kobalt Tools...

Jupiter, FL—In a spring training game on Wednesday, Marlins outfield prospect Cameron Maybin continued to impress scouts and opposing...

PHOENIX—Having served a three-day sentence for his drunk-driving conviction, former NBA star Charles Barkley admitted Tuesday he was having...

TAMPA, FL—His team lacking a third baseman for Tuesday's Grapefruit League game against the Reds, the Yankees' Derek Jeter reluctantly awoke...

BUFFALO, NY—In a move that will immediately impact a roster that is already full of shit, the Bills added what many believe will be ...

Quick, nifty 6-foot-10 power forward Blake Griffin is expected to go first in the upcoming NBA draft. Is this Oklahoma sophomore any good?

Panelists dismiss the notion that something could go wrong with the 75-foot-tall crabs that shoot acid from their mouths.

Online universities and bible colleges will be among the thousands of teams vying to prove they are the best in the nation.

The Beatles: Rock Band is scheduled to hit shelves Sept. 9. What do you think?

President Obama has lifted restrictions that prevented federal funding of labs using embryonic stem cells for research. What do you think?

Bernard Madoff, the money manager accused of running the largest Ponzi scheme in U.S. history, pleaded guilty to charges this morning in a New ...

After reportedly tiring of hearing chefs on television recommend kosher salt, a retired barber has introduced Blessed Christians Salt, which is sea salt blessed by ...