WASHINGTON—"I'm sure there's a story in there somewhere," said a Newsweek editor, referring to Obama's cold-blooded and vicious killing of two ...
WASHINGTON—"I promise you, this will be the series of setbacks you'll tell your grandchildren about," said Brenda Win, head of the newly established ...
PARKERSBURG, IA—Ol' 'Still Got My Thumbs' Ridley hasn't once had to dial 911 with a pencil in his teeth and then wait in ...
CHICAGO—The Leo Burnett advertising agency announced Tuesday that a McDonald's spot set to air during the upcoming May sweeps will be the...
GENESEO, NY—Despite repeated attempts to explain his feelings on the matter, 29-year-old local resident Dave Barrister expressed shock...
ROME—More than 40 artists, including U2, Death Cab for Cutie, Rihanna, and Rage Against the Machine, performed at six simultaneous concerts...
ALBANY, NY—Despite already being stretched to its breaking point, the strained threads of Patricia Hapsburg's social safety net have once...
MCLEAN, VA—Silently, under the cover of darkness, the national headquarters of the CIA vanished Tuesday, leaving no sign that it had ever...
WASHINGTON—Although three years have passed since both men joined the court, Chief Justice John Roberts, 54, and Associate Justice Samuel...
Ailing auto company General Motors has teamed up with personal transport device manufacturer Segway to create the PUMA, a two-person electrical...
FLUSHING, NEW YORK—After dozing off between innings in front of more than 41,000 cheering fans Monday night, an exhausted Mr. Met informed team ...
PHILADELPHIA—In what fans are calling a touching and entirely fitting tribute to the voice of the Phillies, NFL Films, and essentially...
ANAHEIM, CA—Bobby Abreu's angry reaction to a purpose pitch from Boston ace Josh Beckett triggered an ugly fracas Sunday that saw both...
NEW YORK—Along with Fan Appreciation Night and Continental Monthly Planner Giveaway Night, the Knicks' attempt to increase fan attendance...
NEW YORK—Addressing reporters yesterday in an unnervingly calm tone of voice, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman—his hands, face, and...
DALLAS—Cowboys coach Wade Phillips enthusiastically announced Tuesday that he could not wait for the 2009 NFL Giraffe on Apr. 25 and 26,...
Replacing the late, great Harry Kalas as the voice of NFL Films is no small task. Onion Sports evaluates the leading...
Cabrera played his way out of disaster to beat the favorites at the Masters. But is this proud Argentine any good?
From the Onion Prison Channel: Prison analysts warn rising inflation could devalue everything from rim jobs to shivs.
Treasury Officials say the dye used in printed money is extremely toxic and urge Americans to send all their cash to Washington immediately.
Texas state Rep. Betty Brown suggested that Asian-American voters should change their names to something "easier for Americans to deal with." What do...
After being held hostage by Somali pirates for five days, Capt. Richard Phillips was rescued by the U.S. Navy on Sunday. What do you ...
Marilyn Chambers, the former pornographic film actress who starred in the film Behind The Green Door and was the face of Ivory Snow detergent,...
The Department of Homeland Security warned law enforcement officials that the recession, the disenfranchisement of returning veterans, and the...
Cutting energy consumption not only saves you money, it helps save the environment. Here are 10 simple things you can do around the house to ...