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Issue 4516

CIA Headquarters Disappears

MCLEAN, VA—Silently, under the cover of darkness, the national headquarters of the CIA vanished Tuesday, leaving no sign that it had ever...

NASA Embarks On Epic Delay

WASHINGTON—"I promise you, this will be the series of setbacks you'll tell your grandchildren about," said Brenda Win, head of the newly established NASA program.

Angel Cabrera

Cabrera played his way out of disaster to beat the favorites at the Masters. But is this proud Argentine any good?

Mr. Met Having Trouble Sleeping In New Home

FLUSHING, NEW YORK—After dozing off between innings in front of more than 41,000 cheering fans Monday night, an exhausted Mr. Met informed team officials that he has not slept since the Mets moved from Shea Stadium to Citi Field.

New GM-Segway Vehicle Coming

Ailing auto company General Motors has teamed up with personal transport device manufacturer Segway to create the PUMA, a two-person electrical...

Michael Bay Signs $50M Deal To Fuck Up 'ThunderCats'

LOS ANGELES—Studio executives decided only Bay could deliver a 220-minute cinematic clusterfuck with enough tedious performances, overblown cinematography, and CGI explosions to make even the most casual fan want to scratch their eyes out.
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