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Issue 4520

Nike Introduces New Intercourse Shoe

BEAVERTON, OR—According to a Nike press release, the Air Fornicator's revolutionary midsole component works to adapt to the user’s pelvic motions and cushions the overall shock of repetitive grinding.

Tiger's Slump

Despite one great come-from-behind tournament win, Tiger Woods has not been the same golfer since returning from surgery. Some signs he's not...

Zack Greinke

The Royals pitcher overcame depression to start this season off with a huge string of wins. Is he any good?

Manny Ramirez: 'Am I In Trouble?'

LOS ANGELES—According to his teammates, his coaches, and the media, Manny Ramirez has appeared visibly confused and anxious since receiving a 50-game suspension for violating Major League Baseball's drug policy.

Revitalizing The GOP

The defection of Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter from the Republicans to the Democrats has left the GOP without enough members to filibuster,...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

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