Professional Racing Drivers In 2-Ton Cars Terrified By Droplets Of Water

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Issue 4522

Notable Indy 500 Crashes

1911: At the very first Indy 500, race officials quickly realize all cars should drive in the same direction

Dwight Howard

The Magic's rebounding man-child held off LeBron James deep into the playoffs. But is he any good?

Manny Ramirez To David Ortiz: 'Road Trip'

SOMEWHERE ALONG I-65—Best buddies Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz, both of whom find themselves at professional crossroads and both desperately wanting to rekindle their friendship, decided on Sunday that a soul-searching road trip was the...

Obama's New Fuel Efficiency Plan

Last week, President Obama announced a plan to lower automobile emissions by requiring new cars to average 35.5 miles per gallon. How can...
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Professional Racing Drivers In 2-Ton Cars Terrified By Droplets Of Water

CONCORD, NC—A paralyzing fear of precipitation kept dozens of highly skilled competition drivers, all of them trained to drive roll-cage equipped cars mere inches from one another at speeds exceeding 200 miles per hour for extended periods of time, from finishing the Coca-Cola 600 Monday. "I'm overjoyed to win the race, but I'm even more relieved that I didn't have to face the worst horror known to the professional racer: falling moisture," said David Reutimann, who was declared the winner when officials pronounced the track "horrifyingly damp" after only 227 laps and halted NASCAR's longest race. "Every race driver, except for maybe the guys in Formula One, and the Le Mans drivers, the Rolex Series, and rally drivers, I guess, and those guys in amateur racing...anyway, every single racing driver knows that if you drive in the rain you will automatically crash. No one in NASCAR wants to see crashes." Reutimann then thanked his sponsors and rushed off to hide in his motor home until the sun came out.