PAWTUCKET, RI—"All fools must one day learn, that we will all be a few letters short of spelling H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S," said the embittered CEO.

SEWARD, NE—The unnatural creature was thought to be a pile of rotting sewage until a lifeguard noticed that its lower extremities were covered by ...

LOS ANGELES—Saying it was a waste of $11, Los Angeles resident Dan Bevver expressed disappointment Sunday that The Taking Of Pelham 1 2...

WASHINGTON—Saying there are national security matters that "need sorting out down there," Vice President Joe Biden requested Friday an...

WASHINGTON—Pentagon officials announced Tuesday a new policy toward homosexuals in the armed services, the so-called "Don't Tell, Let Me...

PRINCETON, NJ—A new report compiled by the Institute for Advanced Studies stated Monday that, aw, you probably wouldn't be interested and...

SAGINAW, MI—According to your girlfriend, your request for some "alone time" this afternoon sounds fantastic, and she'd love nothing more...

With the federal government refusing to lend its assistance, the State of California is in dire financial straits. Here are some of the budget...

WASHINGTON—Attendance may be down, but the fans at last week's game didn't care—they were too busy enjoying the stadium's new ...

NASHVILLE, TN—Saying that he likes the raw, untrained quality of Stern's vocals, White Stripes front man Jack White has teamed up with NBA...

PHOENIX—Observing the positive result achieved by using his bat to smash a baseball into left field, Diamondbacks right fielder Justin Upton...

COOPERSTOWN, NY—A joint study released Friday by Baseball Hall of Fame researchers and NASA scientists concluded that Babe Ruth was not...

ST. LOUIS—Following the announcement of the 25th annual Home Run Derby lineup Tuesday, injured Red Sox pitcher John Smoltz was perplexed to...

SAN FRANCISCO—Confused by a news report about someone named Barry Zito, local fan Tad Knackers took 20 or so minutes Tuesday to research the...

Pujols is the most feared power hitter in baseball. Is he any good?

In The Know's new live internet poll feature revolutionizes how pundits shamelessly cater to what viewers want to hear.

Citizens across Mexico hope that the new Asshole Wall will stem the tide of assholes that visit from the US each year to aggressively drink ...

Actor Karl Malden, known for his work in A Streetcar Named Desire and The Streets Of San Francisco, died at 97. What do you...

Portable music became a reality 30 years ago with the introduction of the Sony Walkman. What do you think?

Claiming to be "95 percent cured," President Obama admitted he still occasionally smokes a cigarette. What do you think?

Green Dam, the image-scanning software designed by the Chinese to block pornography, also blocks more benign images, including a Garfield movie...

An annual survey found that, for the fifth consecutive year, Mississippi was the American state with the highest rate of adult obesity. What do...