Top Headlines

Yu Wan Mei Onion Takeover

China Strong

Following approved article contains: Report on strength and might of China; Report on force and vigor of China; Report on how China will continue to succeed and never fail.

American Consumer Masses Agree: It Fish Time!

Following approved article contains: Report on big hot trend sweeping the palates of American consumers; Evidence of deliciousness and ease of consumption regarding all foodstuffs from Yu Wan Mei corporation; List of times of day in which appetizing Fish Time is observed.

Yao Ming!

EARTH—The entire world population confirmed Friday that Houston Rockets center Yao Ming is the greatest athlete in the history of sports and a glowing symbol of what citizens may become if they remain loyal to their government.

Grandfather Disrespected In Own Home

Following approved article contains: Facts about importance of filial piety; Lessons to be dutifully gleaned from parable of Shanzi; Woeful incidents of dishonor and disregard.

Internet Adds 12th Website

Following approved article contains: Accurate report on addition of to the World Wide Web; Emphasis on China’s commitment to free and open exchange of ideas; With 12 in total, almost too many Internet sites for public to choose from.

Know Any Good State Secrets?

Hello, friends! Are you also having a good time today being an American? I am. I almost cannot wait to do it again tomorrow! Say, I've been living...

U.S. Falls Short Of Success

WASHINGTON—According to sources, the United States has once again failed to be successful this week. It is widely believed that the U.S., a...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage



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    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales: