sun
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.11.09 | News
ISSUE 47•47 ISSUE 45•46 | 11.09.09 | News in Brief
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.10.09 | News in Brief
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.11.09 | News in Brief
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.12.09 | News in Brief
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.12.09 | News in Brief
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.13.09 | News in Brief
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.11.09 | Infographic
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.10.09 | Horoscope
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.11.09 | Statshot
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.10.09 | Radio News
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.12.09 | Radio News
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.15.09 | Radio News
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.10.09 | News in Photos
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.14.09 | News in Photos
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.12.09 | Commentary
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.13.09 | Sports News
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.12.09 | Sports News in Brief
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.13.09 | Sports News in Brief
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.14.09 | Sports News in Brief
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.16.09 | Sports News in Brief
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.17.09 | Sports News in Brief
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.12.09 | Sportsgraphic
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.12.09 | Strongside/Weakside
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.12.09 | Photo Finish
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.09.09 | American Voices
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.10.09 | American Voices
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.11.09 | American Voices
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.12.09 | American Voices
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.13.09 | American Voices
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.12.09 | Fan On The Street
HEALTH
10 p.m. EST / 9 p.m. CST
A 10-year-old gets parasites from freaking grass, underscoring the fact that we should all be terrified and are probably already infected by and dying from parasites.
Travel
8:30 p.m. EST/7:30 p.m. CST
Nine pounds of Dallas rib eye takes a shot at fame by attempting to escape from Adam Richman.
Yesterday we incorrectly printed the date Thursday, Nov. 12, instead of Friday, Nov. 13. The Onion apologizes to those who thought they were getting a second chance.
Risking her dignity, her reputation, and her career, Elizabeth Walsh went ahead and sat five of the six O'Keefes at their table, even though their entire party was not yet present.
Terry Clarke, 23, checked the score of the Penn State football game online before he called his dad, 52, so they would have something to talk about.
Returning champ Rob Turner gets desperate and starts flipping cards over one at a time.
Given history's mostly favorable judgment of Abraham Lincoln, The Onion would like to rescind its 1864 endorsement of George B. McClellan for president of the United States.
ABC
9 p.m. EST / 8 p.m. CST
Government officials refuse to take seriously warnings of an impending alien invasion, confident something in the earth's environment—like beetles or a common bacteria—will wipe the invaders out.
Jeff Ruppenthal totally ignored a "Don't Walk" light, giving drivers the opportunity to swerve and speed off in different directions instead of proceeding in a boring straight line.
ABC
9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST
Contestants conceive children.
Excuse Me, But I'll Be Handling The Gentleman's Discourse For The Rest Of The Evening
ISSUE 45•46 | 11.10.09 | Commentary
Ah, pardon me, milady. May I have a word? I trust you're enjoying tonight's festivities? I should say I am. Nothing stirs the blood quite like an... more»