TIMELINE: The Evolution Of Sports

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Top 10 Stories Of The Last 4.5 Billion Years

Evolution Going Great, Reports Trilobite

Slowly inching his segmented exoskeleton across the floor of the primordial waters, a local marine arthropod, class Trilobita, reported that Earth's natural evolution was "progressing quite nicely."

Woman Domesticated

Once burdened with physically demanding chores, exhausting farm work, and other unpleasant duties, man's quality of life dramatically improved after his successful domestication of the common woman.

Duane Takes Off Owing Roommates 1,300 Bucks

In what scholars generally consider to be one of the biggest dick moves in recorded history, 28-year-old cashier Duane Hoyt hastily departed Olympia, WA in the summer of 1987 still owing roommates Luke Dalrymple and Kyle Strickland almost 1,300 bucks in back rent and utilities.

Dinosaurs Sadly Extinct Before Invention Of Bazooka

More than 65 million years ago, a cataclysmic event drove a majority of the Earth's species into extinction, and tragically, wiped out the last of the dinosaurs long before bazookas could be invented and used on them.

Forgotten Sports

For every international sporting league, a dozen or more once-popular sports have fallen by the wayside. Here are some of the more notable forgotten games


This discus thrower has been one of the most recognizable figures in sports for thousands of years. Is he any good?

Four Or Five Guys Pretty Much Carry Whole Renaissance

Following 1,000 years of cultural decline and societal collapse known as the Dark Ages, the 15th century brought forth the Renaissance, an unprecedented resurgence in learning and the arts, which four or five guys pretty much just strapped onto their backs and carried the whole way.

NFL To Fine Players For Getting Concussions

NEW YORK—NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced a stricter league concussion policy at a press conference Sunday, finalizing a provision that would automatically charge a fine of $10,000 to any player who suffers a concussion.
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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.


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