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Four Or Five Guys Pretty Much Carry Whole Renaissance

• Fire, Setting Everything In Sight On Fire Discovered

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.14.09 | News

  In what was perhaps the most meaningful discovery ever made, early man exited the safety and shelter of his prehistoric cave, struck two stones together, and for the first time in history created fire. more»

  

• Industrial Revolution Provides Millions Of Out-Of-Work Children With Jobs

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.14.09 | News

  After centuries of chronic unemployment, millions of small children across the United Kingdom saw their lives drastically improve when the Industrial Revolution at long last provided them with steady factory work regardless of age, size, or experience. more»

  

• Dinosaurs Sadly Extinct Before Invention Of Bazooka

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.15.09 | News

  More than 65 million years ago, a cataclysmic event drove a majority of the Earth's species into extinction, and tragically, wiped out the last of the dinosaurs long before bazookas could be invented and used on them. more»

  

• Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.15.09 | News

  In one of Christianity's most momentous events, members of the earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 5,600 years ago as God created Heaven and Earth. more»

  

• Duane Takes Off Owing Roommates 1,300 Bucks

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.16.09 | News

  In what scholars generally consider to be one of the biggest dick moves in recorded history, 28-year-old cashier Duane Hoyt hastily departed Olympia, WA in the summer of 1987 still owing roommates Luke Dalrymple and Kyle Strickland almost 1,300 bucks in back rent and utilities. more»

  

• Woman Domesticated

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.16.09 | News

  Once burdened with physically demanding chores, exhausting farm work, and other unpleasant duties, man's quality of life dramatically improved after his successful domestication of the common woman. more»

  

• Evolution Going Great, Reports Trilobite

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.16.09 | News

  Slowly inching his segmented exoskeleton across the floor of the primordial waters, a local marine arthropod, class Trilobita, reported that Earth's natural evolution was "progressing quite nicely." more»

  

• Biden Winks After Offering To Buy Eggnog For White House Christmas Party

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.07.09 | News in Brief

  WASHINGTON—During an unexpected visit Thursday to an organizational meeting for this year's White House Christmas party, Vice President Joe... more»

• Thomas Edison Invents Marketing Other People's Ideas

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.14.09 | News in Brief

  Famed inventor Thomas Edison changed the face of modern life in 1879 when he devised the groundbreaking new process of taking ideas pioneered by... more»

  

• Either Ming Or Yuan Dynasty Seizes Control Of Mainland China

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.14.09 | News in Brief

  In one of the most important events in all of Asian history, either the Ming dynasty or the Yuan dynasty seized control of mainland... more»

  

• Deaths Of 550,000 Confirm Which Mushrooms Are Okay To Eat

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.14.09 | News in Brief

  Following the lethal poisoning of more than a half million people over the course of several millennia, cultures across the globe finally learned how to identify which mushrooms could be safely consumed. more»

  

• New 'War' Enables Mankind To Resolve Disagreements

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.15.09 | News in Brief

  With the groundbreaking development of "war" more than 7,000 years ago, mankind acquired a new tool that for the first time ever made it possible to definitively resolve conflicts of any kind. more»

  

• Early Humans Finally Drunk Enough To Invent Dancing

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.16.09 | News in Brief

  Prominent ethnochoreologists now believe that roughly 20,000 years ago, early humans finally consumed an amount of fermented fruits and vegetables... more»

• Conquerors You May Have Missed

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.13.09 | Infographic

  Sigfried the Insecure: Viking who finally mustered... more»

  

• The Ones We Lost

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.15.09 | Infographic

  Medieval peasant Hadriel Rolfe passed away on March... more»

  

• Some Of Man's Most Important Inventions

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.16.09 | Infographic

  Inclined Plane: A simple machine consisting of a... more»

  

• Neptune Angered

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.13.09 | Radio News

• Frito-Lay Scientists Discover Cheesium

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.16.09 | Radio News

• EPA Puts Good, Single Men On Endangered Species List

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.18.09 | Radio News

• NFL To Fine Players For Getting Concussions

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.09.09 | Sports News in Brief

  NEW YORK—NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced a stricter league concussion policy at a press conference Sunday, finalizing a provision that would automatically charge a fine of $10,000 to any player who suffers a concussion. more»

  

• Sports Becomes Increasingly Boring As Death No Longer Punishment For Losing

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.14.09 | Sports News in Brief

  According to prominent sports historians, the modern-day practice of allowing a losing team or athlete to live has significantly lessened the intensity of sports as a whole in the centuries since the execution of defeated competitors has fallen out of vogue. more»

  

• Roman Populace Constantly Argues Whether Chariot-Racing Is Actually A Sport

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.14.09 | Sports News in Brief

  While the practice of racing chariots on circular or oval tracks enjoyed extreme popularity in the Roman Empire, particularly in the rural Southern provinces, historians claim its legitimacy as an athletic event was often a topic of heated debate among contemporary sports enthusiasts. more»

  

• Pilgrims Depart For America To Escape Horrible Oppression Of Soccer

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.15.09 | Sports News in Brief

  On Sept. 16, 1620, a group of Puritan Separatists took to the sea in hopes of escaping persecution from soccer and its ardent followers, specifically those who would not allow the Pilgrims to live a life in which they could openly reject traditional soccer practices. more»

  

• Obsessive Freak Abner Doubleday Forces Locals To Play Nonsensical Game

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.15.09 | Sports News in Brief

  COOPERSTOWN, NY—In a series of baffling events during the summer of 1839, obsessive freak Abner Doubleday reportedly coerced locals into... more»

  

• African-Americans Go From Being No Good At Sports To Being Only Good At Sports

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.16.09 | Sports News in Brief

  The late 1940s and '50s saw a role reversal unprecedented in the history of sport, as African-Americans—once thought incapable of physically... more»

  

• Forgotten Sports

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.14.09 | Sportsgraphic

  For every international sporting league, a dozen or more once-popular sports have fallen by the wayside. Here are some of the more notable forgotten games more»

  

• Discobolus

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.14.09 | Strongside/Weakside

  This discus thrower has been one of the most recognizable figures in sports for thousands of years. Is he any good? more»

  

• Smarmy, Under-Performing A-Rodicus Struggles To Win Over Coliseum Fans

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.14.09 | Photo Finish

  

• Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins Of 'Friendster' Civilization

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.16.09 | Today Now!

  Researchers conducting the Friendster excavation say the site has been deserted since the year 2005 A.D. more»

  

• Ohio Uses New Execution Method

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.11.09 | American Voices

  The execution of Ohio murderer Kenneth Biros made use of an untested one-drug technique that is purportedly an improvement over the three-drug... more»

• Neanderthal Man Flocking To Caves

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.14.09 | American Voices

  All over Western Europe and Central Asia, Neanderthal man is inhabiting caves in record numbers. What do you think? more»

• Magna Carta Issued

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.15.09 | American Voices

  The Magna Carta, which limits the powers of the king and binds him to the rule of law, was issued on June 15, 1215. What do you think? more»

• Henry Ford Modernizes Production

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.16.09 | American Voices

  The Ford Motor Company is revolutionizing production of the automobile with the introduction of the assembly line. What do you think? more»

• Antipsychotics Can Make Kids Fat

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.17.09 | American Voices

  A study published in The Journal Of The American Medical Association found that children who take medication for severe psychiatric problems... more»

• Average American Consumes 34 Gigabytes Daily

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.18.09 | American Voices

  A study from the University of California, San Diego, reports that each day the average American takes in 34 gigabytes of data. What do you... more»

• On The Nets' 0-18 Start:

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.04.09 | Fan On The Street

• On The Greatest Moment In Sports History

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.14.09 | Fan On The Street

• A Complete History Of Art

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.15.09 | Slideshow

  

• Great Monuments To Human Achievement

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.14.09 | Interactive Slideshow

  

• A Long, Elaborate History Of Time

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.16.09 | Interactive Slideshow

  

• TIMELINE: The Evolution Of Sports

  ISSUE 45•51 | 12.22.09 | Interactive Slideshow

  

• Tampa Bay At Colorado (Versus HD) 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST

  Thousands of years of sport and countless heroic feats of athleticism have brought us to this, a midseason Lightning-Avalanche NHL game.

  

• Nick's All-Star Scrooge Deluge

  NICK

  7 p.m. EST/6 p.m. CST

  iCarly, Drake & Josh, The Naked Brothers Band, and Ned's Declassified all base half-hour episodes on the plot of Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and some writer got paid for each one.

• Home For The High Holidays

  JTN

  8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST

  In this special recorded back in September, Kevin Pollak returns home for Yamim Noraim and impersonates Albert Brooks, Jack Nicholson, and Christopher Walken asking forgiveness from all whom they have wronged.