Musher Claims Free Agency Destroyed Chemistry Of Sled-Dog Team

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CHARLOTTE, NC—In an effort to avoid physical exertion, strenuous activity, and standing up, slothful free agent Hollis Thomas told several NFL general managers Friday that he would prefer to try out for their teams over the phone.

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Musher Claims Free Agency Destroyed Chemistry Of Sled-Dog Team

WILLOW, AK—Though originally favored to win the 2010 Iditarod by a large margin, musher Stefan Anderson's team has put in a mediocre performance up to this point, a result Anderson blames on flashy high-priced acquisitions on the sled-dog free-agent market. "We look great on paper, but these dogs aren't used to racing together," Anderson said. "The truth is, we got 10 lead dogs out there but no wheel dogs. Jammer's got talent, but his power style is never going to mesh with Milo's speed game. They have no chemistry. None whatsoever." Anderson would not deny a rumor that the team might sign 10-year Iditarod veteran Bronson for some much-needed leadership.