Zydrunas Ilgauskas Figures He Must Be From Turkey Or Something

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Issue 4612

Asian Economic Woes Force Layoffs Of 700,000 Pop Stars

SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA—In what is being called the worst development to hit the Asian pop star industry in years, the floundering economy forced several Pacific Rim nations to lay off some 700,000 pop stars this week, sources close to the young, perky e...

Highlights Of The 2010 Iditarod

Alaska's Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race is a 1,161-mile spectacle of human courage and canine fortitude, and the 2010 race was an exceptional example.

John Wall

This Kentucky Wildcats freshman phenom is a multitalented point guard who's already generating a lot of speculation about his pro future. Is he any good?

Man Plans Special Weekend To Reaffirm Commitment To Xbox 360

HAGERSTOWN, MD—"It’s going to be really nice," the man said of the upcoming two-day, three-night living room getaway. "No distractions whatsoever. Just me and my Xbox 360. I'll probably even open up a few nice bottles of Arizona Iced Tea for the occasion."

Texas' New Textbooks

Because of a belief that academia skews too far to the left, the Texas Board of Education voted 10 to 5 in favor of buying history and social studies textbooks that adhere to a more conservative ideology. Here are some of the changes they are mandating.

My Students Are Going About Making Fun Of That Tyler Kid All Wrong

The students in my fourth-grade class are the most amazing group of kids you'll ever meet. Every day is an adventure with them. They're like these little sponges, ready to soak up as much knowledge as they possibly can, and as their teacher, I take pride in the fact that I let them grow at their own pace.

Good Night's Sleep Changes Nothing

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Despite receiving a much-anticipated good night's rest, local man Arthur Baldwin awoke from eight uninterrupted hours of sleep Monday to the realization that he was still out of shape, lonely, and generally dissatisfied with his life.

Your Horoscopes - Week Of March 23, 2010

Aries The stars would love nothing more than to reveal your future this week, but unfortunately, they're just large luminous balls of plasma held together by gravity in space. Taurus You might be nervous and intimidate...
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Zydrunas Ilgauskas Figures He Must Be From Turkey Or Something

CLEVELAND—In a locker room interview prior to his game against the Sacramento Kings Sunday, Cavaliers center Zydrunas Ilgauskas ruminated on his home country, guessing he might be from Romania or Croatia before finally concluding that he is probably from Turkey or someplace like that. "I'm not 100 percent sure, but players like me are usually from around Turkey," said Ilgauskas, citing his oddly shaped head and the mishmash of consonants in his first name as evidence. "I can't place my accent for the life of me. It's kind of Russian-ish, I guess, but Turkey's relatively close to Russia. So, yeah, Turkey." When informed that he is from Lithuania, Ilgauskas said that sounded about right, as Lithuania is probably a city in Turkey.