WASHINGTON—A report  released Monday by the U.S. Department of Commerce revealed that Americans spend an astonishing $14 trillion a year on countless, usually ...

HAGERSTOWN, MD—"It’s going to be really nice," the man said of the upcoming two-day, three-night living room getaway. "No distractions whatsoever. Just me ...

CHICAGO—In an effort to streamline unethical practices and boost illegal profiteering, Mayor Richard M. Daley announced sweeping new plans Monday to overhaul his city ...

RIVERSIDE, CA—Internationally renowned entomologist Professor Stanley Weber, noted for his work on the pheromone-release cycles of invasive insect species in North American flora...

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Despite receiving a much-anticipated good night's rest, local man Arthur Baldwin awoke from eight uninterrupted hours of sleep Monday to the realization ...

LOS ANGELES—Time-traveling neurotic Guy Axiom, more commonly known as "the Man from the Future," cannot stop living in the past, which to us, in ...

SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA—In what is being called the worst development to hit the Asian pop star industry in years, the floundering economy forced several ...

Because of a belief that academia skews too far to the left, the Texas Board of Education voted 10 to 5 in favor of buying ...

Aries The stars would love nothing more than to reveal your future this week, but unfortunately, they're just large luminous balls of plasma held ...

Point Maple Syrup Is An Excellent Way To Enhance The Flavor Of Pancakes And Waffles If there's one thing that almost anyone can agree ...

INDIANAPOLIS—When Ali Farokhmanesh hit his game-winning shot to lift ninth-seed Northern Iowa over top-ranked Kansas last Saturday, it was a true Cinderella moment for ...

SYRACUSE, NY—Despite overcoming long odds as the lowest seed remaining in the NCAA...

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Patriots owner Robert Kraft told reporters Thursday that he would prefer it if Tom Brady would sleep by his side for the entire ...

DURHAM, NC—NCAA officials announced Wednesday that seven losses would be stricken from Duke's 2008-2009 season record, claiming they were forced to act after ...

WASHINGTON—Shots of the Indianapolis skyline scheduled to air during the 2010 Final Four will be extremely depressing and will momentarily infuse viewers with a ...

CLEVELAND—In a locker room interview prior to his game against the Sacramento Kings Sunday, Cavaliers center Zydrunas Ilgauskas ruminated on his home country, guessing ...

Alaska's Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race is a 1,161-mile spectacle of human courage and canine fortitude, and the 2010 race was an exceptional ...

Stouffers says the suicide prevention tips are available on all single serving microwavable dinners whether you enjoy veal parmigiana alone or beef stroganoff alone.

For the first time ever, the social network Facebook had more weekly traffic than Google, making it the most popular site on the Internet. What ...

Using genetic markers, researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, have discovered that dogs were likely first domesticated from wolves in the Middle East.

Starting in 2012, struggling auto manufacturer Chrysler will produce an electric car, the Fiat 500 EV.

Hoping to revive moribund sales, Universal Music Group is dropping the price of most new CDs to $10 or less.

A study of 52 depictions of the Last Supper—the final meal Jesus ate with his disciples before he was crucified—found that food portions ...

Dear The Onion, I just love the articles written by columnist Lindsay Tan. Her expositions are enthralling, her adjective choices sublime, and her sentence structures ...

Dear The Onion, Included in this envelope is my subscription renewal check. You might also notice a few loose greenbacks—not sure how those got ...