NEW ORLEANS—The Lakers are claiming that burnout and fatigue during their long road swing led to a team roadie accidentally setting the basket at a sub-regulation 8 feet before their game against the Hornets Monday night.
NEW YORK—In an effort to increase the league's revenue and offset the expensive cost of foul shots, commissioner David Stern announced Monday that the NBA would begin charging teams a $50 fee per free throw attempt.
BOSTON—Catcher Jason Varitek's entrance into the Boston clubhouse Tuesday was punctuated by startled shouts and the clatter of dropped objects, as his Red Sox teammates explained that they had all just assumed the veteran player had died.
NEW YORK—Bored and looking for something to do during his 19th season as MLB commissioner, Bud Selig decided Thursday that he would move the Arizona Diamondbacks to the American League West for the 2010 season.
ATLANTA—Early in the study, Bobo's elevated mood and excessive chattering made him quite popular among the other chimpanzees. But researchers claimed that his increased irritability, short temper, and absenteeism at the jungle gym did not go unnoticed.
INDIANAPOLIS—Members of the Indianapolis-based Butler University basketball team, which defeated top-seeded Syracuse on its way to the school's first-ever Final Four, wondered aloud Wednesday what more they had to accomplish to finally get the hell out of Indiana.
PALO ALTO, CA—Despite his laziness, unreliability, and below-average intelligence, 34-year-old local resident Dylan Fonseca has been given full access to the human genetic code, appalled biologists told reporters Monday.
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC
Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!
BLOOMINGTON, IN—Having found himself without others to interact with at a house party Wednesday, guest Ben Weaver reportedly attempted to enter a conversation by spending a few minutes just smiling and nodding at the edge of a circle of people.
TOPEKA, KS—Expressing dismay at his shockingly coldblooded behavior, sources confirmed that local man and heartless monster Ethan McKenzie, 34, walked out of local small business Hearthstone Artisan Goods on Tuesday without purchasing anything.