NEW ORLEANS—The Lakers are claiming that burnout and fatigue during their long road swing led to a team roadie accidentally setting the basket at a sub-regulation 8 feet before their game against the Hornets Monday night.
NEW YORK—In an effort to increase the league's revenue and offset the expensive cost of foul shots, commissioner David Stern announced Monday that the NBA would begin charging teams a $50 fee per free throw attempt.
BOSTON—Catcher Jason Varitek's entrance into the Boston clubhouse Tuesday was punctuated by startled shouts and the clatter of dropped objects, as his Red Sox teammates explained that they had all just assumed the veteran player had died.
NEW YORK—Bored and looking for something to do during his 19th season as MLB commissioner, Bud Selig decided Thursday that he would move the Arizona Diamondbacks to the American League West for the 2010 season.
ATLANTA—Early in the study, Bobo's elevated mood and excessive chattering made him quite popular among the other chimpanzees. But researchers claimed that his increased irritability, short temper, and absenteeism at the jungle gym did not go unnoticed.
INDIANAPOLIS—Members of the Indianapolis-based Butler University basketball team, which defeated top-seeded Syracuse on its way to the school's first-ever Final Four, wondered aloud Wednesday what more they had to accomplish to finally get the hell out of Indiana.
PALO ALTO, CA—Despite his laziness, unreliability, and below-average intelligence, 34-year-old local resident Dylan Fonseca has been given full access to the human genetic code, appalled biologists told reporters Monday.
WASHINGTON—Attorney General Eric Holder turned in his letter of resignation to President Barack Obama Tuesday after discovering that people willfully participate in the killing of other human beings on a routine basis.
WASHINGTON—Following revelations last week that priests in Wisconsin and Italy were responsible for molesting more than 250 young deaf boys, millions around the country expressed shock and outrage over the very thing they had been endlessly milking as a source of humor for the past 10 years.
WILTON, CT—"It's just not fair," said the 49-year-old real estate developer and grandson of oil baron Duncan Chandler. "Everyone is worrying about an uncertain future and coming together to express their outrage, and I don’t get to be a part of it."
WASHINGTON—In an effort to reduce wasteful spending and eliminate non-vital federal services, the U.S. government announced plans this week to cut its long-standing senator program, a move it says will help save more than $300 billion each year.
Aries What others think of you is a constant source of worry, so take heart in knowing that they rarely ever do.
Taurus It might not be today, and it might not be tomorrow, but you'll soon come to regret staging a pie-ea...
WASHINGTON—Thousands of mothers and fathers polled as part of the report believe that those running American homes, such as themselves, cannot be trusted to keep their kids safe. "Simply put, it's not the job of parents to raise these kids," said one parent.
ST. THOMAS, U.S. VIRGIN ISLANDS—Speaking Wednesday from the grounds of the lavish tropical estate where he plans to spend much of his downtime while in office, Donald Trump unveiled a new presidential retreat he hopes will allow him to escape from the grueling pace of life at Mar-a-Lago.
AUSTIN, TX—Worrying that if she didn’t have one soon she might not be able to have one at all, local 34-year-old Sarah Jean Bleicher told reporters Wednesday she realized she doesn’t have much time left to have a career.
EVERETT, WA—In an effort to comfort the weeping, hysterical child, local parents Rick and Bridget Sears assured their scared 5-year-old son Caleb that there was no such thing as Skip Bayless, sources confirmed Wednesday.