WASHINGTON—High-ranking intelligence officials said Monday that the military was still aggressively pursuing notorious terrorist Osaka Binn Rogen, declaring that they had not forgotten about ...
WASHINGTON—In the coming weeks, Republicans and leukemia will travel the country in an effort to diminish support for the increasingly popular bill, which GOP ...
WASHINGTON—In an effort to reach out to a previously untapped customer base, the struggling United States Postal Service announced Tuesday that it would extend ...
CHICAGO—A University of Chicago freakonomics professor told General Electric investors Monday to keep a close eye on recent fluctuations in the heights of competitive ...
ASHLAND, OH—-A night of forced binge drinking and other dangerous initiation rituals ended in horrible tragedy Tuesday when pledge member Steven Paulson, 18, was ...
TUCSON, AZ—Researchers at the University of Arizona released a study Monday showing a causal relationship between raising one's voice, pushing people in the ...
The first kiss between singer Miley Cyrus and her boyfriend, actor Liam Hemsworth, was captured during the shooting of their movie The Last Song.
Aries They say that God lives inside each and every one of us. Keep digging away until you find Him.
Taurus Your fear and distrust ...
AUGUSTA, GA—Sources close to Tiger Woods confirmed Friday that, due to the large number of women expected to attend this year's Masters...
NEW YORK—Players, coaches, fans, and Commissioner Bud Selig expressed concern for the state of professional baseball Monday after MLB's highly anticipated Opening Day ...
WASHINGTON—During an emotionally charged press conference Monday, newly minted Redskins...
GREENVILLE, SC—NASCAR continued to sucessfully hide its Drive for Diversity minority-involvement program from fans last week by very quietly congratulating driver Darrell Wallace, Jr ...
WASHINGTON—The U.S. Congress today announced the formation of the National Power Rankings and Team-Positioning Joint Oversight Committee...
SPRINGFIELD, MA—The Basketball Hall of Fame announced Monday that All-Star power forward and Los Angeles Lakers legend Karl Malone will be inducted into its ...
The president throwing out the ceremonial first pitch is as revered a tradition as anything in America. We look at some of the most memorable.
DEA Official Stephen Lovejoy says Matt Lovejoy was found in possession of 1/8th ounce of marijuana and a glass pipe in defiance of the ...
Suspect Alex Croft, who has a ton of black friends, planned to kill Obama because of his socialist agenda—not because of his skin color.
A new study in rats suggests that foods high in fat and calories trigger the same addiction response in the brain that cocaine does.
A study in the journal Pediatrics found that if all U.S.
A study in the American Journal Of Epidemiology found that men who drank more than 7 liters of cola a week had reduced sperm counts.
Arousing the ire of civil rights leaders and many residents of his state, Virginia governor Robert F.
Dear The Onion,
I have just read about Marshall McLuhan's thesis that the forms of media have shaped society far more than the specific ...
Dear The Onion,
I'm thinking of starting a rival paper and stealing your business. Could you let me know how to do this?
Elizabeth ...
