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Adam Wainwright Annoying Entire Ballpark By Announcing Pitch Count Out Loud

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Issue 4616

Great Boston Marathon Moments

Robert K. Cheruiyot set the new course record in this year's Boston Marathon, adding yet another chapter to the legend of this great road race.

Ubaldo Jimenez

The Colorado pitcher just pitched the first no-hitter in Rockies franchise history. Is he any good?

Champagne Company Develops New Second-Place Beverage

VERTUS, FRANCE—In an effort to provide second-place finishers with a taste of the champagne enjoyed by true winners, vintner Duval-Leroy unveiled a new sparkling wine Monday designed to be bitterly consumed by runners-up.

Everyone Still Remembers Time You Threw Up In 5th Grade

CHICAGO—""Oh, yeah, definitely. The kid who barfed all over his desk," said a former fifth-grade classmate of yours, who can still instantly recall the disgusting guttural sound you made moments before becoming ill. "Of course I remember."

Horoscope Test

ARIES (March 21 - April 19) The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future. TAURUS (April 20 - May 20) When life gives you lemons, why not blame them on ...

Sarah Palin's Speaking Demands

A draft contract containing details about Sarah Palin's speaking fee and requirements was obtained by California State University, Stanislaus, students who claim they found the document in a Dumpster.

Gun Goes Off During Life's Third Act

CHEYENNE, WY—A gun introduced during the childhood of local resident Keith Johnson went off near the end of his life's third act Wednesday, finally resolving the dramatic tension that had gripped the residents of Cheyenne.

Biden Receives Lifetime Ban From Dave & Buster's

DALLAS—"Mr. Biden has been given many, many chances to act in a responsible and respectful manner while enjoying the great food and fun that Dave & Buster’s has to offer. Unfortunately, he has failed to do so time and again," said a restaurant spokesperson.

So We Meet Again, The Croup

How very curious. The patient seems to be displaying some highly unusual symptoms. There doesn't appear to be any swelling of the lymph nodes, yet I detect signs of a fever and the boy complains of nausea.

Your Horoscopes- Week Of April 20, 2010

Aries The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future. Taurus When life gives you lemons, why not blame them on your troubl...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Adam Wainwright Annoying Entire Ballpark By Announcing Pitch Count Out Loud

ST. LOUIS—Despite a stellar complete-game effort against the Mets Sunday, Cardinals ace Adam Wainwright managed to irritate every player, coach, member of the media, and spectator in the ballpark by shouting out his pitch count every single time he threw the ball. "One," Wainwright said after his first pitch, just seconds before acknowledging his second by shouting "Two." "Ninety-nine. One hundred. Anyone getting warmed up in the bullpen? No? One hundred and one." After realizing he had miscounted in the fifth inning, Wainwright delayed the game for two hours while he recalled and carefully tallied every pitch prior to that point.

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