Yankees Hat Purchased

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Issue 4618

Phillies Bring In Bruise Specialist

PHILADELPHIA—Phillies manager Charlie Manuel announced Thursday that a bruise specialist from the Johns Hopkins Hospital's contusion trauma center was brought in to examine a third-degree boo-boo on outfielder Shane Victorino's thigh.

Actress, Musician To Wed

HOLLYWOOD, CA—The musician, who was once married to the dancer before divorcing three years ago amid scandal over an Internet sexual intercourse tape, recently attended sex addiction rehab and is described as "ready to settle down" by his lawyer.

Bill Russell

In this classic Strongside/Weakside we celebrate a team player who embodied basketball's defensive mindset. Was he any good?

Mothering Frights

Every Jeanketeer worth his or her low-sodium salt substitute (!!) knows that Christmas is my very favorite holiday, with Valentine's Day a close second.

The Case Against Goldman Sachs

The Securities and Exchange Commission's lawsuit against Goldman Sachs is revealing a cavalier culture in which the firm invested recklessly and bet against its own clients. Here are some of the company's questionable practices:

Priest Religious, But Not Really Spiritual

BOSTON—Father Clancy Donahue of St. Michael Catholic Church told reporters Wednesday that while he believed in blindly adhering to the dogma and ceremonies of his faith, he tried not to get too bogged down by actual spirituality.

Your Horoscopes - Week Of May 4, 2010

Aries It is said that the eyes are the windows to one's soul, which helps explain why so many damn birds keep flying into them. Taurus When times are tough and the world around you seems grim, don't be afraid to turn to ...

Nerf Develops New Line Of Biological Weapons

PAWTUCKET, RI—"Get ready to feel your chest slowly fill with excitement!" said a Nerf spokesperson, holding 10 milligrams of the new toy. "Just grab a friend, unleash a few neon microorganisms, and prepare for a squishy attack on your entire central nervous system."
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Special Coverage



Yankees Hat Purchased

WAYNE, NJ—Thirty-six-year-old Ian Althoff, a self-professed casual baseball fan, purchased a fitted New York Yankees baseball cap Monday for the retail price of $33.99. "I've been meaning to get a hat, so I thought I'd just go ahead and get a Yankees one," Althoff told reporters from inside a Lids store at the Willowbrook Mall in Wayne, NJ. "I like Derek Jeter. And [ex-Yankee Hideki] Matsui is good. The NY in the middle is pretty cool." Althoff's new Yankees hat is the 4,754,833,624,064th of its kind purchased since 1913.