WASHINGTON—The EPA called most of the environment’s day-to-day processes rude and inconsiderate, like its over-reliance on "perfectly clean soil" for sustainable growth, and ...

GALVESTON, TX—"Given their intelligence, we believed dolphins would be capable of trashing Lady Gaga, or at least, succeed in rolling their eyes at Kendra ...

NEW YORK—Simon, creator of the gritty urban dramas The Wire and Treme, hopes to weave a narrative of civil ease and affluence that extends ...

BATAVIA, NY—A skit planned for the upcoming Batavia High School's homecoming pep rally is likely to include Principal James Hoary forgoing his well-known ...

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Directors Ridley Scott and Tim Burton traded their favorite actors Wednesday, closing a deal in which Scott received Johnny Depp and Burton received ...

GREAT RED SPOT, JUPITER—Alarmed by the growing quantities of harmful nitrides in their planet's atmosphere, Jupiter's liberals are encouraging their fellow sentient ...

WASHINGTON—A recent poll from the Institute for Figuring People Out revealed Tuesday that nearly one quarter of the U.S.

BROOKLYN, NY—After a number of close listenings, local resident Brian Mott was finally able to get into a music album that is really not ...

The U.S. Department of Interior just approved Cape Wind, the nation's first offshore wind farm, which will be built five miles from Cape ...

Aries Enlightenment and confusion will both be yours this week, when a tree falls in the woods only to make the sound of one hand ...

BOSTON—According to official MLB statistics available as of press time, struggling Red Sox designated hitter David Ortiz is hitting only .200 and has tallied ...

OAKLAND—Twenty-six year old Oakland Athletics pitcher Angry A-Rod Man threw the 19th perfect game in Major League history Sunday, striking out six and retiring ...

BOSTON —Now that Celtics point guard Rajon Rondo has emerged as the team's leading postseason scorer, 33-year-old forward Kevin Garnett has taken to emitting ...

DENVER—During a visit to his coach's deathbed at Denver Presbyterian Hospital on Wednesday, Nuggets All-Star Carmelo Anthony told a barely conscious, cancer-ridden George ...

MIAMI —In honor of the team's storied past, the Florida Marlins announced at a press conference Tuesday that their new stadium would prominently feature ...

More than 60 years after the founding of NASCAR, stock-car racing has opened a $200 million Hall of Fame in Charlotte, NC. Here's what ...

A few weeks after becoming embroiled in a mound-crossing feud with Alex Rodriguez, Braden pitched the 19th perfect game in MLB history. Is he any ...

The former third party presidential candidate returns to helm 'The Cressbeckler Stance' and sound off on flannel-mouthed liars from Washington to Wall Street.

A study in the Archives Of Dermatology found that many people who regularly use indoor sunlamps meet the standard criteria for addiction.

The American Cancer Society is criticizing a study from the President's Cancer Panel that suggests Americans are under constant threat from environmental carcinogens.

Eighty-year-old journalist and cohost of The View Barbara Walters is scheduled to have a heart valve replaced this week.

The week after an inconclusive election result, Prime Minister Gordon Brown stepped aside and recommended Conservative leader David Cameron as his successor.

In the face of diminished government revenue, the federal budget deficit set a new record for the month of April.