Speculation About Where LeBron Will Play Could End When He Signs Contract

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Issue 4624

USC's Rules Violations

The NCAA says Reggie Bush took cash while playing for the Trojans, but that was hardly the only thing that came to light during its investigation of USC.

There, Like, 6 Cop Cars Outside

CHICAGO—According to sources huddled by the window, there are currently, like, six or seven cop cars parked right outside that building across the street over there.

Nation Agrees Latest Heineken Commercial Is Coolest Thing Ever

'Oh My God, We All Have To Go Get Heinekens Now,' Populace Says

CHICAGO—Americans from coast-to-coast agree Heineken's latest ad, which features a variety of demographically diverse 21- to 35-year-old men and women drinking Heinekens at a bar, is the best thing that has been broadcast, ever.

Obama's College Apartment On The Market

The New York apartment President Barack Obama inhabited while he was a student at Columbia University is available for rent at $1,900 a month. Here are some other pieces of Obama's past you can buy or rent:

Stand Back, I Think I Know CPR

Don't worry, folks, everything is probably going to be all right. If I had to guess, and I most certainly do, I would say that I have this situation totally under control. In fact, I've performed lifesaving CPR dozens of times before. Like inside my head and stuff.

Your Horoscopes - Week Of June 15, 2010

Aries Like a Phoenix rising out of the ashes, so too will you frighten a number of small children playing inside that ball pit. Taurus Everyone laughed when you said that global warming would destroy the planet, but that...

Candidate May Have Lied About Heroic Death In Vietnam

MONTGOMERY, AL—In a major scandal that could cast doubt on his political future, U.S. Senate candidate Chris Wilfred came under fire this week for comments he made alleging he had died heroically while fighting in the Vietnam War.
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Speculation About Where LeBron Will Play Could End When He Signs Contract

BRISTOL, CT—According to NBA analysts, speculation about where LeBron James might play next season could end when the Cavaliers MVP signs a contract with a professional basketball team. "When he agrees to play for a new team and has an introductory press conference with them—or when he re-signs with Cleveland—that's when I think we'll have a better idea which way LeBron is leaning," ESPN analyst Jalen Rose said during Tuesday's edition of SportsCenter, adding that a good indicator as to where James' head is at might come in late October, when James will be wearing a basketball uniform for the season opener. "Ten games into the regular season, if LeBron James is a New Jersey Net, I think at that point we can effectively eliminate Chicago or Cleveland, but I wouldn't rule out the Los Angeles Clippers. At any rate, by the 2011 All-Star break the picture should become, if not 100 percent clear, a lot less hazy." Rose suggested the guessing game over where LeBron will play next season may not end until he is enshrined in the Basketball Hall of Fame.