NASCAR To Abandon Racing Portion Of Business, Concentrate On Ads

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Issue 4630

Several NBA Teams Interested In Shaq As A Person

NEW YORK—Officials from the Hawks, Celtics, and Heat expressed interest in Shaquille O'Neal as a person Wednesday, confirming league rumors that they believed the free agent center would be highly suitable for a long-term friendship.

New Robot Capable Of Unhealthily Repressing Emotion

PITTSBURGH—Announcing a crucial breakthrough in the effort to create machines that accurately simulate human behavior, researchers at Carnegie Mellon University said Monday they had built the first robot with the capacity to suppress its emotions.

Bar Patrons Dismayed By Sight Of Band Setting Up

ATLANTA—Patrons of Valentine's Tavern were visibly crestfallen Tuesday when their pleasant evening of drinking and conversing with friends was suddenly derailed by the sight of a few people plugging in instruments.

Chelsea Clinton Getting Married

Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former president Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, is marrying Marc Mezvinsky this Saturday in a ceremony that will be attended by Barack Obama, Barbra Streisand, and Oprah Winfrey. Here's what to expect from the nuptials.

Your Horoscope - Week Of July 27, 2010

Aries Just when it seems that all hope is gone, you'll discover a deep untapped reservoir of hope within you which will soon be gone too. Taurus You've always wanted to yell "Stop the presses," but just when it...

Lady Gaga Kidnaps Commissioner Gordon

GOTHAM CITY—Supervillain Lady Gaga brazenly abducted Commis≠sioner James Gordon from a charity fundraiser Tuesday, leaving police baffled and the citizens of Gotham fearing for their safety.
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NASCAR To Abandon Racing Portion Of Business, Concentrate On Ads

NEW YORK—In a move designed to bring their business closer to its core values, top NASCAR officials announced Monday that from now on, rather than racing to determine a winner, advertising-bedecked cars would slowly circle the track in a noncompetitive marketing parade set to begin with next year's Daytona 500. "Declining revenue made us take a closer look at the sport, and we found that many fans couldn't even see the logos and graphics on cars when all that high-speed racing was taking place," NASCAR president Mike Helton said. "Now that we've eliminated the competitive aspect, we're also free to give our fans what they've been asking for: new advertising on the track, flashier ads applied during pit stops, and a safer, more relaxing marketing environment overall." Fans objecting to the move were encouraged to take advantage of NASCAR's wide array of newly available advertising space to voice their concerns.