PORT FOURCHON, LA—According to witnesses, the catastrophe began shortly after the tanker, which sailed unimpeded across the Gulf of Mexico, stopped safely at the ...

NEW YORK—Millions of outraged consumers assembled across the nation Tuesday to demand a crispier outside, insisting that it also be made available in a ...

ALLENTOWN, PA—"He came shuffling in really slowly this morning and just sort of slumped over there in the back," said cashier Brianne Pecor, 17 ...

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—The Johnson and Johnson company unveiled its new Visine-brand "Eye-Bright" whitening strips Tuesday, an over-the-counter product designed to reduce unsightly stains in ...

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—As members of the international press looked on, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton rode on horseback through the streets of Kabul Monday, dragging ...

WASHINGTON—At a Rose Garden ceremony Tuesday, visiting Chinese prime minister Wen Jiabao presented President Barack Obama with a DVD of the forthcoming action film ...

BALTIMORE—After being questioned about the thing he had just made up in conversation Tuesday, 37-year-old Paul Rosada explained to those around him that, not ...

VENICE, LA—Fourth-generation shrimp boat captain Buford Comeaux said Wednesday that he was wiped out from a 14-hour day spent personifying the human toll of ...

CHICAGO—A new translation of the Bible released this week directly mentions the Second Amendment on eight occasions, and includes a version of Psalm 23 ...

Last week, a federal judge ruled that California's same-sex marriage ban was unconstitutional, leaving many proponents of Proposition 8 scrambling for new ways to ...

Aries You will soon embark on a long journey over water by night, which will be extremely romantic until you figure out how low the ...

MIAMI—The Florida Marlins delayed the start of their game against the St. Louis Cardinals last Sunday when Steve, their fan, failed to show up ...

AKRON, OH—Tiger Woods scored a career-worst 18-over-par finish at the Bridgestone Invitational Sunday, officially hitting rock bottom if one ignores the fact that he ...

CLEVELAND—Coach Eric Mangini issued a stern warning to the Browns Monday, dissuading players from using Twitter or other social networking sites to identify any ...

NEW YORK—With the All-Star Game a distant memory and opening day almost 62,000 games ago, Major League Baseball teams still have 12,000 ...

CINCINNATI—Bengals wide receivers Chad Ochocinco and Terrell Owens reportedly stayed late after practice Tuesday to begin writing the libretto and music for, and start ...

As the sports world slows down for the summer, we take the opportunity to review what's been happening in less-heralded arenas of competition.

The new Hall of Famer has every receiving record worth mentioning, three Super Bowl rings, and insists he could still play. Was he any good?

With her confirmation by the U.S. Senate Thursday, former Harvard Law School dean Elena Kagan becomes the fourth woman to serve on the Supreme ...

Entertainment Tonight cohost Mary Hart announced that she would leave the venerable entertainment news program after this, her 30th season.

According to an announcement from Warner Music Group, David Lee Roth will be rejoining Van Halen for a new album and a tour in 2011.

Nearly 25 years after the nuclear power plant disaster in Chernobyl, Germany is faced with a booming population of irradiated boars.

A new strain of bacteria that is immune to most antibiotics has been found in patients who underwent surgery in India, and its imminent spread ...

Dear The Onion, The ghost in my apartment won't go away unless you correct a misspelling of his name from June 6, 1997. Dwight ...

Dear The Onion, I don't like your tone these days. Would it kill you to end a few articles with "Thanks for reading?" Charlie ...