NEW YORK—NFL spokesman Greg Aiello announced Monday that, after years of deliberation, NFL team owners will vote on the proposed construction of a second football stadium in order to ease current difficulties with scheduling and overcrowding.
DENVER—Upon overhearing visitors to the Broncos training facility inquire about third-string quarterback Brady Quinn, a young but grizzled Brady Quinn was seen to lean forward, raise his eyebrows, frown thoughtfully, and cast his eyes upward in appa...
MONESSEN, PA—Recreational cyclist Ethan Coseglia, 38, thoroughly explained the benefits of wearing $35 bike-riding socks to his friend Kevin Washburn Friday, saying that his specially designed socks are essential in optimizing his overall cycling performance.
NEW YORK—Yankees manager Joe Girardi admitted to reporters Wednesday that he still had doubts that starter CC Sabathia could muster the energy and strength to endure walking to the mound on just three days' rest.
WASHINGTON—A federal probe revealed Friday that at least six U.S. border guards have been caught on tape attempting to boost arrests by planting illegal immigrants in cars entering the United States from Mexico.
BLOOMINGTON, IN—A new study released Monday by sociologists at Indiana University found that women will always answer their telephones unless mind-blowing sex with a man other than the caller prevents them from doing so.
President Barack Obama announced that he was putting solar panels on the roof of the White House in order to lead by example in the drive toward renewable energy. Here is a brief history of electricity consumption at the presidential residence.
CHICAGO—The art world let out a collective sigh of relief Tuesday when it was announced that thieves had made off with one of Pierre-Auguste Renoir's more god-awful late-period paintings, 1919's The Great Bathers (The Nymphs).
WASHINGTON—Thousands thronged the docks of the capital seaport last week to watch as Congressmen boarded galleys and set sail in search of the Lost Sword of Bipartisanship, a holy relic that according to legend has the power to restore collegial relations and procedural harmony to the legislative branch.
COPIAPO, CHILE—With their rescue imminent, the conversation of the 33 miners trapped in the Copiapó copper and gold mine turned to how hilarious it would be if they valiantly endured 68 days trapped underground only to die right when their pa...
Aries You will be torn between two equally worthy suitors, one who is kind, selfless, outgoing, supportive, and loving, and one who is attractive.
Taurus While it is true that all-knowing God sees every sparrow that fall...
NEW YORK—While explaining they were cognizant that no interstellar portals exist in real life, New York Comic Con attendees voiced frustrations Sunday after seeing Richard Dean Anderson, who played the character Jack O'Neill on Stargate SG-1,...
WEST SENECA, NY—Expressing a mixture of alarm and heartache over the boy’s recently discovered disorder, the parents of diehard 8-year-old Buffalo Bills fan Cody Brenner told reporters Tuesday that their son had begun showing early signs of masochism.
PHOENIX—Visibly moved by the outpouring of rancor before of him, President Trump was reportedly struck by the beautiful vision of what America could be while looking out over a seething, screaming Arizona rally on Tuesday.
FAYETTEVILLE, NC—Saying he “never could have imagined” he would have the opportunity to follow directly in his father’s footsteps, 19-year-old U.S. Army Pvt. Tyler Corcoran was reportedly excited Tuesday to take over his dad’s old patrol route in Afghanistan.