Tim Duncan Spends Free Time Trying To Get Wrongfully Incarcerated Man Off Death Row

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Issue 4643

Desperate NFL Needs Big Win To Turn Season Around

NEW YORK—After eight weeks of play with no teams emerging as clear front-runners, the National Football League desperately needs at least one spectacular win to salvage its lackluster season, sources confirmed Monday.

Townsfolk Strongly Prefer Man's Werewolf Incarnation

'Jesus, The Next Full Moon Can't Come Fast Enough,' Villagers Report

BLACK FOREST, GERMANY—Townsfolk told reporters Tuesday that they can't wait for the next full moon, as they much prefer the bloodthirsty lycanthropic form of "insufferable" local blacksmith Hans Meyer, who was bitten by a werewolf eight mo...

Yankees Offseason Moves

After missing the pennant by one game, the Yankees have some difficult decisions to make before spring training. Here are some of the most crucial issues facing the team.
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Tim Duncan Spends Free Time Trying To Get Wrongfully Incarcerated Man Off Death Row

MANSFIELD, OH—Spurs center Tim Duncan spent all his free time this week studying law books and building a case in an attempt to exonerate a death row inmate wrongfully incarcerated at Ohio's Mansfield Correctional Institution. "For more than 10 years, Randolph Morgan has been imprisoned for a crime he did not commit, mainly because of the testimony of an unreliable witness, one Cheryl McInerney," said Duncan, who has devoted the past three offseasons to earning a law degree at San Antonio State and in August passed the bar exam in both Texas and Ohio. "I have met with medical examiners and several forensic pathologists, and they concur that the available DNA evidence is more than sufficient to prove the innocence of my client." Duncan went on to score 14 points against the Los Angeles Clippers Monday night before flying to Ohio to persuade the governor to issue a stay of execution for Morgan.