WASHINGTON—In an act that many are calling long overdue, Congress passed legislation this week to honor those Americans who were first on the scene ...

LOS ANGELES—After being a subject of Generation X desire for the better part of two decades, actress Winona Ryder announced Tuesday that she had ...

CHICAGO—According to an alarming new study released Monday by the University of Chicago, children raised in households where alcoholism is present are at a ...

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—When faced with any kind of vexing decision or problem, 29-year-old Christine Lim prefers to weigh all her options by getting the ...

PHILADELPHIA—New York Giants fan Mark DeLeon, 36, told reporters Monday that he felt shocked, hurt, and betrayed after seeing a billboard stating that Bud ...

WASHINGTON—The U.S. Supreme Court announced Monday that it would have to review two weeks' worth of procedure after determining it had mistakenly based ...

WASHINGTON—Once-idealistic Penn State senior Marc Leitman set a congressional internship record Tuesday when, within seven minutes of his arrival on Capitol Hill, he became ...

Last week, Penguin Press published Amy Chua's book Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother, which criticizes "Western" parenting and advocates an "Asian" approach that ...

Aries: Love is strong in your sign this week. Please be advised that, precession of the equinoxes or not, this is still your sign.

Growing up, I would always grab my stepfather's newspaper off the front stoop and run as fast as I could up to my room ...

Those who knew of Bill Belichick spoke of a dark, consuming insecurity that haunted the coach throughout his whole career.

Hey OSNation! The Toad is BACK in 2011 and he's slinging predictions like he's running out of fish heads! Go ahead and double ...

The MLB is inaugurating its new Licensed Memory Price Structure with incredible clearance prices on their deep back catalog of Major League Memories.

In baseball, it's steroids. In football, helmet-to-helmet hits. Flopping in basketball and soccer have reached epidemic-levels.

Brenda Kenyon -Boyfriend: Dominick Mirk -Length of Relationship: 1 year, 10 months -How Do You Feel About Sports: "They really are tremendous athletes, and I ...

Allison Pencey was profiled in the Wish Zone this week, a young Phillies fan whose burning hatred for and inspired heckling of Mets 3B David ...

I work in sports on television as a man who talks about the sports stories of the day. I get on TV and I say ...

Download this fun, interactive mini-book to find out what might happen if Sarah Palin is elected president.

This original schematic shows the mechanics behind the handjob as registered with the U.S. patent office.

In what is being described as a "foreign policy game-changer," North Korean leader Kim Jong Il will give up his nation's nuclear program in ...

With California's recent announcement that registered sex offenders will be required to wear lightly tinted sunglasses and denim cutoff shorts, many states are following ...

I don't listen to much popular music these days because the pulsing electronic beat in many songs makes me queasy, but back in my ...

Courtroom sketches depict 16-year-old Hanah Stevenson, who stands accused of murder. Citing the severeness of her crime, a judge today ordered Stevenson to be tried ...

With great regret, we wish to inform you of the death of Onion News Network international reporter Susan Merriweather. Susan, who started at the Onion ...

Episode 1: Odd Manager Out The Arrows have a new manager, but he's not what he seems. Masters thinks there's a killer on ...

MILWAUKEE—In an effort to clarify complicated financial negotiation procedures, Brewers first baseman Prince Fielder enthusiastically explained the intricacies of salary arbitration to reporters Wednesday ...

CHICAGO—Silencing once and for all the multitude of critics who said he did not have what it took to be a postseason quarterback, Bears ...

PITTSBURGH—After two impressive wins in Indianapolis and New England, confident New York Jets wide receiver Braylon Edwards told reporters Friday that under the right ...

PITTSBURGH—The Steelers' Rashard Mendenhall has been stranded in a neighboring space-time continuum after particularly solid blocking by guard Ramon Foster and tackle Flozell Adams ...

OTTAWA—Following their 3-1 loss Wednesday, Senators players accused the visiting Thrashers of poor sportsmanship for keeping up the intensity long after the game was ...

ORLANDO, FL—According to a report published this week by the University of Central Florida's Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sport, for the ...

A recent Dallas Morning News report revealed that many charities run by sports stars are poorly managed, with some organizations appearing to exist only to ...

The Federation of International Polo has released a report indicating that the Chilean National Team has been corking their horses for the better part of ...

National Batman Hero surveys Pyongyang's spotlessly clean alleyways for Riddler's gang of Western Capitalist influencers.

He may trash-talk endlessly, but the outspoken Jets coach has backed it up by taking his team to the AFC Championship Game. Is he any ...

A study by Carnegie Mellon researchers showed that when subjects spent time imagining they were eating a particular kind of candy, they ate less of ...

Former dictator Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier returned to Haiti nearly 25 years after he was deposed in a coup.

On Tuesday, Starbucks introduced its largest-ever drink size, a 31-ounce cup for iced beverages called the Trenta.

Faltering video-rental behemoth Blockbuster Inc. is asking its bondholders for $200 to $250 million so it can exit bankruptcy.

Senator and one-time vice-presidential candidate Joe Lieberman (I-CT) announced that he would not run for a fifth term in 2012.

A recent polls shows 62% of Americans say they don't want to vote for Palin, but kinda have to just have to see what ...

In this U-Say segment, Brooke exposes the sad truth about a history teacher who emailed to report an error.

Handjob inventor Fred Gilgoff describes the inspiration for the two-person masturbation technique.

During the Daily Briefing, Tucker Hope reports that the FDA is urging Americans to put something green in their dumb mouths.

The court ruled a white teen who stabbed a classmate to death will face the jury as a 300-pound black man.

The country has been talking about National Hockey Association commissioner Gary Bettman, whose kidnapping grabbed mid-paper headlines for the past few days.

Of the various superhero characters played by Kim Jong Il during his long North Korean film career, which is your favorite?

A new government report says 200 million man-hours are lost each year to untangling headphones. On which other activity do you spend the most time?

To celebrate the invention of the handjob, the Philadelphia city council has proposed the construction of a 35-foot-high statue showing the act.

This week the FDA urged Americans to eat more vegetables. Do you know what a vegetable is?

Which of the following do you think Melanie Wilkerson should do as a show of appreciation to the family of the fireman who died saving ...

Human Rights Watch is already protesting Christian Bale's appointment as the leader of North Korea after he recently acted out on set by snapping ...

The Supreme Court's new matching jackets have been so well received by the public, the court will new be adopting an official theme song ...