WASHINGTON—After more than five decades of tireless work, brave exploration, and technological innovation aimed at a single objective, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration ...

LOS ANGELES—According to a comprehensive study released this week by researchers at UCLA, 87 percent of feature-length motion pictures would be significantly improved by ...

CLEVELAND—During an unexpected moment of clarity Tuesday, open-minded man Blake Richman was suddenly struck by the grim realization that he's squandered a significant ...

WASHINGTON—Americans, a group of people directly responsible for the popularity of country-pop singer Taylor Swift, were asked by an independent research group Wednesday to ...

SANAA, YEMEN—U.N. inspectors assigned to evaluate the threat level of weapon caches throughout Yemen reported Sunday that they were "underwhelmed" and, "to be ...

BOSTON—During a widely publicized press conference at the Boston University School of Medicine Friday, researchers announced a breakthrough new technique that cures homophobia by ...

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—In a televised speech addressing the pro-democracy protests currently sweeping across the Middle East, King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia reiterated that the ...

ATLANTA—After deciding to disable his Facebook account in an effort to increase productivity, Chad Allen announced in a Facebook update Thursday that he was ...

LOS GATOS, CA—Officials at Netflix announced Thursday that the company has finally reached its long-term goal of constructing a chain of easily accessible stores.

WASHINGTON—Reports continue to pour in from around the nation today of helpless Americans being forcibly taken from their marital unions after President Obama dropped ...

OKLAHOMA CITY—Speaking to members of her book club Wednesday, 38-year-old Lorraine Stern explained it's not that she didn't enjoy this month's ...

WASHINGTON—A new report by the Mayo Clinic revealed that most cases of Attention Deficit Disorder are not diagnosed until one or both parents are ...

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Academy Awards hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway spent the entire three-hour broadcast Sunday absolutely ripping apart Social Network star Jesse Eisenberg with ...

Last week, the State of Wisconsin turned down $23 million in federal funding for rural broadband, and Florida turned down $2 billion for a high-speed ...

Leo: You'll become a victim of boredom in the workplace when the technicians figure out a way to make your x-rays a lot more ...

I'm not going to sugarcoat it: moving the SportsDome to eight o'clock is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in ...

Major League Baseball is headed to Florida and Arizona for spring training, and the SportsDome is serving up an Early Bird Special at its NEW ...

Today they told me that SportsDome is going to be on at 8:00 PM from now on instead of 10:30 PM.  I was ...

Full coverage of this scandal tonight on SportsDome at a new time, 8/7c on Comedy Central.  During Sunday's Daytona 500, NASCAR driver Taft ...

Up-and-coming stock car racer Taft Myers has become embroiled in scandal, with a mountain of evidence that Myers pulled over during the Daytona 500 and ...

This week in Indianapolis, the top NFL owning prospects in the country are gathering to prove that they have the raw skills it takes to ...

In the SportsDome, we told you about Tampa Bay's plan to fill Tropicana Field by unleashing thousands of snakes in the streets of Tampa ...

Doug Townsend suffered defeat at the hands of the Slinko Games batting cage on Tuesday, making contact only four times and solid contact just once.

(The OSN copywriters did a great job putting together a terrific memorial post when it looked like the sporting world had lost Jack Nicklaus, it ...

Oink oink! More than 10,000 of you sent us this adorable photo, making it our LOL Pic Of The Day!

According to a Pentagon statement, a raid on the the home of al Qaeda operative Khalid al Shehri revealed a cache of tools which could ...

Produce-related anomalies seem to be on the rise in America. Some examples of unusual activity by genetically modified crops reported in the past 12 months ...

Don't miss these upcoming reports by the Onion News Network Special Investigative Undercover Response Team: We all assume there are precautions in place to ...

Use this diagram to build your own Justice Shed and you’ll have a safe spot to keep ne'er-do-wells and suspicious-looking folk you wrangle ...

Our inbox has been flooded with emails of support for Tillis following his decision to step down. "God bless you,Tillis. Best of luck in ...

CynGen released this statement in response to public outcry over a screaming cob of genetically modified corn.

CALGARY—While the Flames stand at a modest 31-23-8 and are in 8th place in the Western Conference, team sources revealed this week that the ...

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—In a stunning and brutal display of support last Wednesday, frantic Virginia fans rushed the court at John Paul Jones Arena, swarmed the ...

NEW YORK—Shrugging their shoulders and looking helplessly at each other, baffled players on the 22-35 Milwaukee Bucks had no idea what to do with ...

Carmelo Anthony just became a New York Knick mere days before the NBA trade deadline, an event that joins these other blockbuster under-the-wire deals.

By taking the Daytona 500 checkered flag at 20 years old, Trevor Bayne became the youngest-ever winner of NASCAR's most prestigious race. Is he ...

A pair of TSA screeners were caught stealing $39,000 from a passenger's bag and have since admitted to thefts totaling at least $160 ...

A report in the journal Pediatrics found that nearly 10,000 babies and infants are admitted to emergency rooms each year with injuries sustained in ...

After refusing to bomb a crowd of protesters, two Libyan air force pilots landed their jets in Malta and are now seeking political asylum.

A Utah-based group called American Recall Coalition has filed paperwork to recall eight Wisconsin state senators.

In a move that surprised observers, the Obama administration announced Wednesday that the Department of Justice would no longer uphold the constitutionality of the Defense ...

Dear The Onion, My wife and I got into an argument that we hope you can settle. Did she sleep with Jim? Tod Perry, Birmingham ...

The Beltway media is abuzz following Republican charges that Obama hates Bo.

In local news from Pennington, IL, a handsome teen who owns his own truck is responsible for over half of new pregnancies. More local news ...

Animal-rights group PETA is protesting the Academy's use of chickens randomly stepping on buttons to choose Oscar Award winners each year.

Collect the entire ONN News Patrol team as well as the all-new "Missing Sorority Girl" and "Noted Author Pundit" dolls.

The irresistibly cute photo was forwarded millions of times before servers collapsed.

Tillis brought his inspirational message to the halls of government. Now that he's stepped down, what should his next career move be?

After the cyber attack left millions without access to the internet, loyal Farmville players found themselves cut off from the game.

After several teens drowned in bathtub in Wilmette, the Illinois legislature is considering a bill that would require safety equipment like guardrails, graded gravel paths ...

Many 1920s cultural signifiers have roots in anti-semitism. Which do you associate most with early 20th Century prejudice toward Jews?