WASHINGTON—According to a new report from the National Association of Just Getting Out There and Getting It Done, when it comes to making it ...

WALLINGFORD, CT—Upending more than two centuries of free-market theory, leading economists across the globe announced Thursday that the fundamental principles of capitalism had been ...

EUGENE, OR—Though he has only the haziest memories of what happened between the time he left work Friday evening and woke up late Sunday ...

UPSALA, SWEDEN—In a shocking reversal of thousands of years of thinking on human reproduction, researchers at the Swedish Collegium for Advanced Study in the ...

NEW YORK—In a move that media executives, economic forecasters, and business analysts alike are calling "extremely bold," NYTimes.com put into place a groundbreaking ...

MINNEAPOLIS—Shocked by the sheer volume of depressing videos submitted to their Tell Us Your Totino's Tale campaign, employees at the pizza-roll manufacturer announced ...

THE HAGUE—In an effort to crack down on the systematic killing of entire races and ethnic groups, International Criminal Court officials introduced a new ...

NEW YORK—The American print, broadcast, and online news media inexplicably continued reporting Wednesday on topics ranging from the budget debate in Washington to the ...

NEW ORLEANS—According to a statement released by the New Orleans Police Department, a piano fire claimed the life of celebrated singer Harry Connick, Jr.

NEW YORK—According to a poll of 5-year-old film critics released Tuesday, the 2006 Disney-Pixar animated feature Cars only gets better after the 40th viewing.

BALTIMORE—After years of observing people in their late 30s to early 40s, researchers at Johns Hopkins University have determined that once an individual reaches ...

BETHEL, PA—Following an awkward exchange in which Tom Richardson flagged down their server for "a round of waters" mere seconds after being seated, family ...

The Seattle-based coffee chain Starbucks celebrated its 40th anniversary in March.

As the warmer weather approaches, many people will open their houses to larger dinner parties. Here are some ways to take the sting out of ...

The locavore movement—in which people eat food produced near their home to reduce their carbon footprint—is getting more and more popular. Here are ...

Aries: You're not the kind of person who can wear those stylish strappy heels, mostly because you're too stupid to figure out how ...

Point Sustainable Energy Solutions Are The Key To Our Country's Economic Future Time and time again, the United States finds itself on the brink ...

CHICAGO—Cubs players, coaches, and management expressed disbelief Thursday, questioning whether they were out of their minds for participating in another Major League Baseball season

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla—In an attempt to move the organization into a new era, the New York Mets announced Friday they will part ways ...

NEW YORK—A recent outpouring of negative criticism levied against the Big East for the conference's poor showing in the NCAA Tournament has had ...

PITTSBURGH—According to a report released by the Pittsburgh Penguins organization Monday, star forward Sidney Crosby, who suffered a severe concussion last January, fatally succumbed ...

HOUSTON—In an effort to ensure the integrity of the NCAA Final Four, tournament officials announced Wednesday they had added a play-in game for Virginia ...

INDIANAPOLIS—Butler's Final Four appearance—its second in as many years—has inspired and energized not only the state of Indiana but thousands of ...

HOUSTON—Opening up to reporters at a press conference Sunday, [Connecticut all-American guard Kemba Walker] explained at great length that should the Huskies have the ...

PORT CHARLOTTE, FL—While investigating the burglarized home of Tampa Bay Rays players Evan Longoria, David Price, and Reid Brignac last week, authorities were shocked ...

SAN FRANCISCO—Saying that "you never know," juror Jesse Ferguson has worn his baseball glove to the Barry Bonds perjury trial every day, telling reporters ...

Either Butler or VCU will be in the NCAA Tournament's final game this year, raising the possibility of a historic upset and calling to ...

The Final Four is upon us with this year’s participants having set a record for its highest-ever combined seed total. Here's what each ...

The Final Four is upon us with this year's participants having set a record for its highest-ever combined seed total. Here's what each ...

Stone tools recently uncovered in a Texas creek valley were found to be 15,500 years old, making them the earliest known artifacts of what ...

Despite record low temperatures and a drought in Florida, researchers caught six Burmese pythons in parts of the Everglades where they had not been seen ...

New research reveals that the reaction of the human brain to heartbreak is similar to its reaction to the experience of physical pain.

Celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton is writing a children's book entitled The Boy With Pink Hair to be published in September. What do you ...

Faced with mounting criticism over rising fuel prices, President Obama is calling for more biofuels and domestic drilling, and for reducing consumption of foreign oil ...

The Damaged Women's Coalition angrily marched on the capitol this afternoon before returning later drunk and crying.

The last vestige of the American Dream slipped away as a Pennington, IL resident quietly laid aside his hope of owning a bar & grill.

Every week beginning April 7, The Onion will present a video review of the most vital events of the past seven days. Now, you can ...