NEW YORK—Just weeks after his body was buried at sea, Osama bin Laden burst forth from the ocean depths early this morning, rising to ...

WASHINGTON—After conducting an in-depth analysis of the nation's industrial output and long-term economic future, leading economists delicately suggested this week that maybe American ...

CHICAGO—Following various incidents in which they stumbled, got distracted, or simply lost their grip, thousands of dopes across the country announced Friday that they ...

POCATELLO, ID—Family members gathered around a photo collage of matriarch Maria Esquivel, 85, were surprised to learn Tuesday that she was never really very ...

TULSA, OK—According to 37-year-old aficionado Niles Stefanovich, who said he's been following this for a really long time, we are currently living through ...

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA—The colossal Osama bin Laden, having carved a swath of unimaginable destruction from New York to Washington, has reentered the ocean, dazed ...

FORT WAYNE, IN—The commotion caused by a panicked man's frantic search for his missing son Saturday reportedly stressed out dozens of local residents ...

CHAPEL HILL, NC—A study published Thursday by psychologists at the University of North Carolina concluded that all American problems—from stuck jacket zippers to ...

CHICAGO—The Royale restaurant near Rogers Park commemorated its fifth weird year of business Monday the same way it celebrated its opening: with a vague ...

RICHMOND, VA—A table of people enjoying a friendly conversation plunged diner John Richards into a deep, bitter resentment Monday that he was completely unable ...

Following Osama bin Laden's death, the Egyptian-born Saif al-Adel has reportedly been named interim leader of al-Qaeda.

Aries Sometimes words are simply not enough to express how someone is feeling, which is why people keep insisting on defecating on your doorstep. Taurus ...

CHARLOTTE, NC—NASCAR took direct and immediate action Wednesday in response to homophobic slurs made by driver Kyle Busch last weekend, levying an award of ...

HOUSTON—Cliff Williams, the No. 1 door-to-door purveyor of electric razors, kitchen knives, and mechanical adding machines, confirmed Friday that he "sealed the deal" on ...

ST. PAUL—The American Academy of Neurology issued a statement this week urging professional athletes with suspected concussions to wait until they are deceased before ...

SAN DIEGO—Fired up after a fun night of having the St. Louis Cardinals over to play baseball, the San Diego Padres asked manager Bud ...

NEW YORK—Several NBA scouts confirmed Monday that Thunder forward Kevin Durant's recent success in both the regular season and playoffs could prompt more ...

AUSTIN, TX—Embattled seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong held a press conference this morning to sternly reiterate that during his career he passed ...

In a normal year, most NFL teams would be starting their minicamps right now. With the lockout in effect, some players have taken the initiative ...

Point guards are resurgent across the NBA, and there may be no better example of the modern point guard than Westbrook.

Warner Bros. will recut the last four minutes of "The Deathly Hollows: Part 2" and stretch it into seven films so fans can enjoy the ...

According to Harold Camping, the founder of Family Radio, the world will come to an end on Saturday. What do you think?

According to a study published in The Journal Of The American Medical Association, the number of non-rural emergency rooms fell 27 percent even as ER ...

A California woman was placed in custody after attempting to sell a moon rock to an undercover NASA investigator for $1.7 million.

The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a ruling requiring the State of California to remove at least 37,000 inmates from its prisons to reduce ...

The World Health Organization has delayed until 2014 its decision on setting a timetable for the destruction of its storehouse of the smallpox virus.

Shelby warns viewers they need a place to hold suspicious-looking characters the police are too lazy to arrest.

A load of mulch is dumped in a pretty ballsy location, a racehorse is unaware it just cost some kid new braces, and desperate PBS ...