WASHINGTON—According to a new report from the National Institute for Safety Management, on any given day, the average American's life is entrusted to ...

RAVENA, NY—Authorities confirmed a four-alarm blaze tore through the countryside Sunday, burning down a picturesque farm where thousands of sick and elderly dogs had ...

WASHINGTON— Congressional sources confirmed Thursday that “huge nerd” and loser Rep.

WASHINGTON—The Food and Drug Administration announced Friday that it has approved an increase in the recommended dosage of acetaminophen for children who can hack ...

NEW YORK—An in-depth, hour-long History Channel special about the cultivation and manufacture of popcorn reverentially details the origin of the snack food as though ...

LONDON—Barely a month after marrying 29-year-old Kate Middleton in a royal wedding ceremony watched by an estimated 2 billion people worldwide, Prince William announced ...

DANBURY, CT—After learning that he had been laid off Friday by global conglomerate Honeywell International, senior sales associate Edward Morway expressed relief that his ...

FAYETTEVILLE, AR—After arguing with a well-read, articulate racist Wednesday, area man Daniel Truett described the experience as "bone-chilling," telling reporters it was far scarier ...

ELYSBURG, PA—Friends of 33-year-old Dan Leski were subjected Tuesday to a detailed account of his recent visit to a restaurant, the sole point of ...

BURLINGTON, VT—Six years after the book's release, the editors of 401 Best Soups have reportedly been unable to set aside their disagreements over ...

A federal judge has ruled that Jared Loughner, accused of killing six people in an attempt to assassinate Rep.

Aries Sometimes the exact right thing falls right out of the sky and hits you between the eyes, which will be the case next week ...

I know this is going to sound sick and twisted—there is a small part of me that wants to see him slip and plummet ...

SAN FRANCISCO—The people of the United States confirmed this week that seeing a horrific home plate collision fracture the left ankle and shred the ...

CLEVELAND—The entire population of Cleveland continued its two-month-long silent streak Saturday, opting to remain completely still so as not to ruin hope for the ...

CHICAGO—An impromptu game of knockout at Gross Park Sunday involving 10 people and lasting more than 15 minutes was awesome, sources reported.

CHICAGO — During Monday’s pregame broadcast, TNT basketball analyst and NBA Hall of Famer Charles Barkley confirmed that there have been only three straight players ...

NEW YORK—Yankees reliever Joba Chamberlain reportedly led a stuffed-animals-only meeting on the floor of the team’s clubhouse Thursday, addressing confidants Wugsy the Bear ...

Lance Armstrong is fending off accusations by former teammates that he doped himself during his cycling career.

In The Know panelists discuss a new congressional report linking all of America's problems to the fact that our entire nation was built on ...

Google announced yesterday that it would be rolling out a system in which people could pay for items with their Sprint Android phones.

The Crystal Cathedral, the Orange County, CA megachurch started by televangelist Robert Schuller, has been sold to an investment group so the church can restructure ...

Republican governor Chris Christie announced he was removing New Jersey from a ten-state regional cap-and-trade program aimed at reducing carbon emissions.

U.S. Park Police arrested five people for "expressive dancing" in the Jefferson Memorial in Washington, D.C.

In order to spur coupling, the National Dating Agency has lowered standards to include gambling addicts and the morbidly obese.