Editors Of '401 Best Soups' Cookbook Still Fighting

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Issue 4722

Point Of Story Apparently That Man Ate At Restaurant

ELYSBURG, PA—Friends of 33-year-old Dan Leski were subjected Tuesday to a detailed account of his recent visit to a restaurant, the sole point of which was apparently to communicate the fact that Leski had eaten food and then paid for it.

Educated Bigot That Much More Terrifying

FAYETTEVILLE, AR—After arguing with a well-read, articulate racist Wednesday, area man Daniel Truett described the experience as "bone-chilling," telling reporters it was far scarier than any encounter with an ignorant bigot ever could hav...

Prince William Divorces Kate Middleton After 5 Weeks

'I Made A Terrible Mistake' Says Heir To British Throne

LONDON—Barely a month after marrying 29-year-old Kate Middleton in a royal wedding ceremony watched by an estimated 2 billion people worldwide, Prince William announced Tuesday that he and Middleton have divorced and that the entire marriage was ...

Joba Chamberlain Holds Stuffed-Animals-Only Meeting

NEW YORK—Yankees reliever Joba Chamberlain reportedly led a stuffed-animals-only meeting on the floor of the team’s clubhouse Thursday, addressing confidants Wugsy the Bear, Cuddly Monkey, Fluff Fluff the Kitty, and Tiny Horsey.

Your Horoscopes - Week Of May 30, 2011

Aries Sometimes the exact right thing falls right out of the sky and hits you between the eyes, which will be the case next week after the bowling-ball plant upwind from you explodes. 

Report: Game Of Knockout Awesome

CHICAGO—An impromptu game of knockout at Gross Park Sunday involving 10 people and lasting more than 15 minutes was awesome, sources reported.
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Editors Of '401 Best Soups' Cookbook Still Fighting

BURLINGTON, VT—Six years after the book's release, the editors of 401 Best Soups have reportedly been unable to set aside their disagreements over which recipes were included in the volume. "[Chef Andrew] Darcy thinks his very workable beef stock recipe got passed over for a flashier, trendier tripe and fish stock, while [Chef Harold] Brister won't shut up about the inclusion of two supposedly inferior gazpachos," literary agent Joe Palmento told reporters, adding that the soup chefs can't even be in the same room without fighting over the best way to prepare a roux. "Meanwhile, [Chef] Anna [Smolinski] feels like her creamy leek got buried in the back pages. Which is just fine by [Chef Tom] Manard, of course." To date, the book has sold 450,000 copies, won a James Beard award, and been hailed by gourmands the world over as the definitive guide to soup preparation.