Editors Of '401 Best Soups' Cookbook Still Fighting

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Issue 4722

Point Of Story Apparently That Man Ate At Restaurant

ELYSBURG, PA—Friends of 33-year-old Dan Leski were subjected Tuesday to a detailed account of his recent visit to a restaurant, the sole point of which was apparently to communicate the fact that Leski had eaten food and then paid for it.

Educated Bigot That Much More Terrifying

FAYETTEVILLE, AR—After arguing with a well-read, articulate racist Wednesday, area man Daniel Truett described the experience as "bone-chilling," telling reporters it was far scarier than any encounter with an ignorant bigot ever could hav...
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Editors Of '401 Best Soups' Cookbook Still Fighting

BURLINGTON, VT—Six years after the book's release, the editors of 401 Best Soups have reportedly been unable to set aside their disagreements over which recipes were included in the volume. "[Chef Andrew] Darcy thinks his very workable beef stock recipe got passed over for a flashier, trendier tripe and fish stock, while [Chef Harold] Brister won't shut up about the inclusion of two supposedly inferior gazpachos," literary agent Joe Palmento told reporters, adding that the soup chefs can't even be in the same room without fighting over the best way to prepare a roux. "Meanwhile, [Chef] Anna [Smolinski] feels like her creamy leek got buried in the back pages. Which is just fine by [Chef Tom] Manard, of course." To date, the book has sold 450,000 copies, won a James Beard award, and been hailed by gourmands the world over as the definitive guide to soup preparation.