DES MOINES, IA—In what political insiders are calling one of the weirdest campaign gaffes in history, Republican presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty shaved every single ...
NEW YORK—Thousands jumped off the Empire State Building Thursday as part of the famed skyscraper's 12th annual No-Hassle Suicide Day, during which anyone ...
COLUMBUS, OH—Ohio State athletic director Gene Smith announced Thursday that the university has hired veteran coach Jim Tressel to helm the football program.
NEW YORK—Major media outlets confirmed Friday their agreement to omit young billionaire Terry Gibson's age from all news reports as part of an ...
WASHINGTON—According to a study released Monday by the Environmental Working Group, the best defense against the harmful effects of the sun's rays is ...
LAKEWOOD, NJ—Tired of being led in circles by a shrewd and elusive local litterer, detective Alex Lavin attempted to penetrate the thought process of ...
KALONA, IA—According to family sources, Barack Obama's aunt Claudia, 79, mailed a letter to the president Monday that included a short note and ...
WASHINGTON—A report from the U.S. Department of Transportation confirmed Thursday that at any one time, the average American city bus is occupied by ...
LAFAYETTE, LA—At approximately 11:20 P.M. Friday night, the festive attitude of local partygoer Nathan Daniels, 34, suddenly gave way to a more ...
CHICAGO—In what many were calling "the best Father's Day present ever," the nation's dads were treated to a Mark Knopfler meet-and-greet Thursday ...
After 23 years on the air, America's Most Wanted—the Fox show that dramatizes real crimes in order to assist in the capture of ...
Aries You'll inspire thousands to go out and do something with their lives in order not to wind up being as pathetic and useless ...
NEW YORK—In recognition of its tremendous leadership and community work, the Stanley Cup was honored Wednesday for its dedication to helping developmentally disabled trophies.
WASHINGTON—According to a report released Friday by the National Association of Sports Commissions, somebody needs to step up and take control of this game.
HARRISON, NJ—Following a 1-0 victory over Mexico last Sunday, representatives from the U.S. women’s soccer team said all that touchy-feely garbage they ...
SEATTLE—In order to avoid capture by the visiting Minnesota Twins Thursday, Mariners center fielder Franklin Gutierrez bit down on his team-issued cyanide capsule during ...
NEW YORK—Yankees captain Derek Jeter hit a seeing-eye wormburner through the left side of the infield for his 2,994th career hit Monday, leaving ...
It's always hard to decide what to wear when you're going out for the evening. Here are some ways to look your best ...
Those Guys Have All The Fun, a history of ESPN published last month, gives readers a behind-the-scenes look at the sports network that began on ...
After struggling through most of his professional baseball career, 30-year-old Blue Jays outfielder Jose Bautista is now leading the majors in both hitting and home ...
Star Fix reports on the new "Green Lantern" movie based on the comic-book hero everyone definitely knew about before the film was made.
In an effort to curtail wildfires in the drought-stricken area, Guadalupe County in Texas has banned outdoor fires, including barbecues without lids.
Several of former House Speaker Newt Gingrich's top campaign aides resigned Thursday, putting the future of his presidential bid in doubt.
Ruling that lap dances do not qualify for tax-exempt status as a "dramatic or musical art performance," a New York court has ordered a gentleman ...
The Walt Disney Company announced the cost of a one-day pass to Disneyland had risen from $76 to $80, the second price increase in a ...
The 2010 National Assessment of Educational Progress concluded that less than a quarter of students were proficient in U.S.
After more than 13 years in development, the latest installment in the Duke Nukem series of first-person shooter video games was released Tuesday.
Dear The Onion,
Watch out. I think some people are out to get you. Namely, my wife and me.
John and Suzanne Minksley, Dearborn, MI
