THE WORLD—Calling it devastating, tragic, complex, heartrending, heartwarming, catastrophic, courageous, and shameful, sources confirmed Sunday that massive wildfires, geopolitical crises, AIDS, human rights violations ...
'It Was Personal Yet Not At All Exploitive,' Victims Agree
WINDSOR, NC—Still struggling to cope in the aftermath of an F3 tornado that ripped through town last week, citizens expressed gratitude to this newspaper ...
POTOSI, MO—Almost two decades after Michael Hollings was put on death row for the murders of 76 men, women, and children across Missouri, evidence ...
SAN FERNANDO, MEXICO—In an effort to better connect with the men and women murdered by the Zetas drug cartel, Josh Sullivan, an investigative reporter ...
OMAHA, NE—According to FBI sources, the nonprofit media watchdog group Americans for Fairness in Awarding Journalism Prizes, or AFAJP, was ordered to cease operations ...
'The Love And Respect Of My Family And Community,' Esteemed Journalist Says
NEW YORK—Reflecting on a life and career in which he has so far not received any prestigious journalism awards, hardworking reporter Peter Chaykin announced ...
WASHINGTON—U.S. Army Gen. James David Thurman admitted Friday that he felt extremely jealous of the Syrian military’s ability to relentlessly attack its ...
CANASTOTA, NY—Though it started as a typical celebration of such boxing icons as Mike Tyson and Julio Cesar Chavez, last Sunday's International Boxing ...
WASHINGTON—A consortium of Pulitzer Prize winners announced Monday that its members were wracked with feelings of shame and inadequacy knowing that, given The Onion ...
KHAWHEABAD, AFGHANISTAN—A 300-word article describing a nighttime attack on civilians that was carried out using white phosphorous charges and bayonets was given additional impact ...
'The Work You Do Is So Important'
BERLIN—German chancellor Angela Merkel once again gave an exclusive interview to The Onion Tuesday, stating that the publication's undying commitment to journalistic excellence ...
Almost No One
WASHINGTON—Though officials apparently assumed they would get away with a deeply corrupt inside deal Tuesday, this morning’s edition of The Onion confirmed that ...
SAN FRANCISCO—In an exclusive interview Tuesday, Internet executive Paul Murrow admitted that his revered journalist father, Edward R.
Shoddy Imitation Prizes A Total Rip-Off
NEW YORK—Intrepid Onion journalists saw their hard work pay off this week after an investigative report months in the making exposed fraudulent Milwaukee eBay ...
BALTIMORE—In mourning following the early morning slaying of her 16-year-old daughter by an unknown assailant in Broening Park, Grace Palmer expressed joy and gratitude ...
NEW YORK—Sources confirmed Friday that it’s time to cut the shit and hand over the goddamn Pulitzer Prize already.
Despite its high-caliber journalism, The Onion has once again been snubbed by the body that awards the Pulitzer Prizes.
CLEVELAND—As the Dallas Mavericks sealed their NBA Finals victory over LeBron James and the Miami Heat Sunday night, the citizens of Cleveland participated in ...
WASHINGTON—After feelings of elation over the Miami Heat losing the NBA Finals started to fade this week, Americans across the country suddenly began to ...
SPARTA, KY—Fans attending the Sprint Cup Series’ past four races have witnessed a strange phenomenon: a black family who drives a motor home onto ...
When gearing up for a fun night out with friends, there are a lot of factors to consider. Here are some things to keep in ...
The factors in the collapse of the Heat's supposedly unstoppable Big Three will be analyzed for a long time, and as we've seen ...
An unforgettable piece of photo-journalism from The Onion that competing media organizations will certainly be unable to surpass this year.
The Mavericks' 7-footer just shrugged off cries of "soft" and defeated the Heat's Big Three to pick up a championship trophy and a Finals ...
On The Cressbeckler Stance, Joad explains how the harsh conditions in mining camps can require two men becoming one.
Some people say The Onion may have too much integrity for the Pulitzer Board to award it a prize.
According to market research, there are millions of Americans who have never picked up a single issue of The Onion.
This year, the Pulitzer Board has once again neglected to bestow an award upon The Onion. What do you think?
After a week of meritorious writing, reporting, and public service from America's Finest News Source, the hard-working men and women at The Onion provide ...
