Study: Whites To Be Minority In Donaldson Family By 2027

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Issue 4731

Danny DeVito A Lot Taller, Thinner In Person

LOS ANGELES—After a chance spotting of Danny DeVito at Los Angeles International Airport on Friday, vacationer Ted Appleby was surprised to find the actor to be a lot taller and thinner in person than he appears on screen.

Soccer Player In Blue Shirt Happy

SOUTH AMERICA?—Following what must have been a successful on-field achievement Sunday, a professional, semi-professional, or possibly amateur male soccer player wearing a sky-blue shirt appeared happy, sources confirmed.
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Study: Whites To Be Minority In Donaldson Family By 2027

AVONDALE, AZ—According to new projections released Monday, the white members of the Donaldson family are expected to find themselves in the minority by 2027. "Thanks to continued illegal immigration and increasing birth rates, the number of nonwhite ethnicities within the Donaldsons is expected to reach 18 percent by 2021," confirmed demographer Dr. James Lanier, who reached his projected figure soon after Juan proposed to Marcy in late March. "Once Grandma June finally passes, and Rich and Kim fly abroad to finalize their adoption, that number will spike even higher." Researchers also estimated the fastest growing population group among the Donaldsons would be Asians, due primarily to Kevin's dating habits.


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