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Issue 4732

Seeing Eye Dog Really Blows Off Some Steam In Dog Park

FORT COLLINS, CO—From the moment he was let loose in a local dog park Saturday, golden retriever and licensed Seeing Eye dog Biscuit reportedly blew off some steam by jumping up to lick people's faces, urinating on smaller dogs, and chasing almost e...

Obama Proposes Tax Increase On Meanest 2% Of Population

WASHINGTON—In the latest administration initiative meant to reassure citizens nervous about the slow pace of economic recovery, President Obama proposed a tax hike this week for the shittiest, most self-absorbed 2 percent of Americans.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Protection

  • Guards Gun Down Four Angels Escaping From Heaven

    THE HEAVENS—Killing four and critically wounding several others, armed guards dispatched from the Right Hand of God reportedly opened fire early Monday morning on a group of angels attempting to escape from heaven. One of the Eternal Kingdom’s...

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