Area Man Guesses He Doesn't Need MC Lyte Wikipedia Page Open Anymore

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Issue 4733

State Fair Season

Every year around this time, American states hold fairs to celebrate the agriculture and industry that make them unique.

Study: 96 Percent Of Humans Would Rather Be Animatronic Bear

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—The University of Virginia published the results of an extensive 18-month study Wednesday revealing that 96 percent of human beings across the planet would strongly prefer to be a singing, dancing animatronic bear. The UVA resear...

Report: Apocalypse Actually Happened 3 Years Ago

MENLO PARK, CA—Though the event went largely unremarked upon at the time, a report published Monday by the Kaiser Family Foundation has found that the apocalypse, or end of the world, occurred three years ago.

Visa Exposed As Massive Credit Card Scam

SAN FRANCISCO—In coordinated raids Monday at locations in Delaware, South Dakota, and California, federal agents apprehended dozens of executives at Visa Inc., a sham corporation accused of perpetrating the largest credit card scam in U.S.

Deion Sanders

Deion Sanders, the epitome of the two-sport athlete, the archetypal shutdown corner, and the prototype for today's self-promoting superstars, was inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame last week. Was he any good?
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Area Man Guesses He Doesn't Need MC Lyte Wikipedia Page Open Anymore

IOWA CITY, IA—After keeping the tab open for almost three hours, local man Nathan Marsten decided this afternoon he could probably shut down the MC Lyte Wikipedia page on his web browser. “I looked her up earlier because I got that ‘Cha Cha Cha’ song stuck in my head, but I feel like there’s really no need to keep it open at this point,” said Marsten, who learned from his scanning of the page that Lyte’s two older brothers are also hip-hop artists, and that they collaborated on some of her records. “If worse comes to worst, it’ll still be in my browser history. Or I could just Google her name again. It’ll literally take three seconds.” At press time, it remains unclear as to why Marsten has opted to keep the Wikipedia page on Tripoli open.