LOS ANGELES—Musician Eric Clapton announced Wednesday that his next album, Eric Clapton Plays The Blues, would be a collection of songs primarily influenced by ...

WASHINGTON—Despite years of putting up with underperforming teachers, overcrowded classrooms, and a gradually deteriorating educational experience, American students reluctantly announced Tuesday that they would ...

MINNEAPOLIS—Days after their candidate’s sudden withdrawal from the presidential race, dejected supporters of Republican Tim Pawlenty said Wednesday they could now only dream ...

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—The University of Virginia published the results of an extensive 18-month study Wednesday revealing that 96 percent of human beings across the planet ...

FORT WORTH, TX—Filling the voids of loneliness present in their respective lives, Robert P. Hughes High School science teacher Lorraine Belmont, 33, and sophomore ...

SCOTTSDALE, AZ—Driving up the narrow student-only entrance ramp and plowing over speed bumps as if they were sand dunes, Robert T.

MENLO PARK, CA—Though the event went largely unremarked upon at the time, a report published Monday by the Kaiser Family Foundation has found that ...

CHICAGO—Despite a lack of divine intervention by the Son of God or any other higher power, area man Tom Wendt has somehow managed to ...

BLOOMINGTON, IN—As Indiana University students began moving into their assigned residence halls Wednesday, freshman Martin Mattucci told his new roommate Corey Dwire not to ...

NEW YORK—According to evening commuters, 26-year-old web designer Kevin Hanley summoned every resource at his disposal Tuesday in an effort to appear more thoughtful ...

IOWA CITY, IA—After keeping the tab open for almost three hours, local man Nathan Marsten decided this afternoon he could probably shut down the ...

Every year around this time, American states hold fairs to celebrate the agriculture and industry that make them unique.

Aries Your life will soon cross the line from comedy to tragedy, sending an entirely different group of people into gales of laughter.

STATE COLLEGE, PA—Hospitalized after a receiver crashed into him on the field last Sunday, Joe Paterno’s return to practice Wednesday came as a ...

CHICAGO—After his batting average slumped to a historically low .163 this week, White Sox DH Adam Dunn received an official notice from Major League ...

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Upon seeing a brief, intimate clip of quarterback Tom Brady completing a gorgeous pass at the Patriots’ training camp, the nation drifted into ...

NASHVILLE, TN—Recounting Monday's Titans practice to colleagues, Tennessean sports reporter Jim Wyatt referred to multiple players on the team as "my buddy" and ...

BOSTON—Suddenly needing to “go take care of something,” Boston Red Sox infielder Dustin Pedroia left second base in the care of his 34-year-old buddy ...

SAN FRANCISCO—Members of the 49ers front office admitted to frantically cleaning up clutter and rearranging furniture in the team’s conference room several hours ...

The first major indicator of Republican presidential candidates’ viability, the Iowa Straw Poll, takes place this Saturday.

Reacting to an online petition calling for Muppets Bert and Ernie to marry, Sesame Street released a statement on its Facebook page explaining that the ...

Following a poor showing in the Iowa straw poll, former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty announced Sunday he was no longer seeking to become the Republican ...

The Federal Communications Commission is looking into an incident last week in which Bay Area Rapid Transit allegedly shut down mobile phone service in an ...

According to a new survey from the Pew Research Center, 30 percent of cell phones users aged 18 to 29 have feigned calls in the ...

Friends and family have gathered to pray for the miners trapped in dead-end jobs a thousand feet below the surface.

The high court determined that Tom Becker's continued right to free speech was a hazard to anyone forced to listen to him.

The former number one sex-haver in the world continued the longest slump of his coital career, unable to bring home a local dive bar waitress ...