WASHINGTON—In an effort to obtain badly needed revenue for the ailing U.S. economy, President Barack Obama recently appeared in a 30-second television spot ...
WICHITA, KS—Desperately hoping to raise its profile and boost attendance, the Wichita Zoo, long considered one of the crappiest zoos in the United States ...
UNIONTOWN, PA—An elderly man currently struggling to walk up a flight of steps at the local post office has rocked this community of nearly ...
MARION, AR—Though intended to cheer up family members, the unflagging optimism of 4-year-old Shelby Cooper has served only to exacerbate the financial stress her ...
CHICAGO—A study of more than 1,200 subjects by the Consumer Research Institute at Loyola University has found that a significant majority of U ...
MADISON, WI—According to sources, former lovers John Breneman and Ingrid Matay returned Friday to the coffeehouse they had frequented in college, stoking the last ...
NEW YORK—As media coverage of the 10th anniversary of 9/11 ramps up this week, citizens across the United States collectively realized they would ...
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Actress Anne Hathaway admitted to reporters Thursday that she feels the same baseless hatred for a Massachusetts woman that the woman feels toward ...
'Go Fill Yourself A Nice Pothole,' Say Republicans
WASHINGTON—Following President Obama’s speech on the state of the U.S. economy Thursday, House Republicans patronizingly approved an additional $400 in added fiscal ...
KEENE, NH—After enduring a temporary moment of heartbreak upon hearing their grandmother had died in her sleep the previous night, children of the Sullivan ...
NEW YORK—Despite the surprising coincidence of finding a perfectly formed swastika amidst the broken girders of the Twin Towers, 9/11 memorial curators have ...
ENID, OK—Local resident Spencer Cravel announced his plans to move to New York City Wednesday so that he might pursue his passion for being ...
Former vice president Dick Cheney promised to have 'heads exploding' with his new memoir, In My Time. Here are some revelations from the book:
Taurus: It's true you're learning a lot and being given much to think about, but at some point you'll have to ask ...
New York, NY (August 25, 2011) - Natural disasters are sweeping the East Coast of our great nation: An Earthquake struck Tuesday afternoon in Virginia, and ...
Network To Air Exclusive Pre-Natal Interview With Singer's Fetus
New York, NY (August 31, 2011) - Just days after the announcement of pop megastar Beyonce ...
Perry To Make Executing Prisoners Central Campaign Theme NEW YORK, NY (SEPTEMBER 8, 2011) - In response to the raucous applause he received for proudly defending ...!--?p-->
CHICAGO—Harried, flinch-prone Bears head coach Lovie Smith said Thursday his biggest concern going into the 2011-2012 NFL season would be the constant presence of ...
ST. LOUIS—A group of fully grown men felt inspired Saturday by a stupid little sign hanging in a locker room and expressed their exhilaration ...
WILLIAMSPORT, PA—After defeating a Japanese team 2-1 to win the Little League World Series, the 12-year-old champions from Huntington Beach, CA are, without a ...
BALTIMORE—As the Orioles completed a six-game winning streak last Sunday, several O’s fans expressed concern about the mental and physical health of every ...
INDIANAPOLIS—The NCAA unveiled a new set of college football recruitment rules Monday, restricting teams from communicating with high school athletes using anything other than ...
EMPORIA, KS—Three civilians attending a pro-democracy demonstration in Syria were shot dead by their government’s armed forces Tuesday while local man Tom Burchett ...
NEW YORK—In a controversial decision to crack down on gaudy displays of jubilation, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced plans Wednesday to fine fans thousands ...
Another great college season is upon us, and Onion Sports analysts have made their picks for the year’s most thrilling games.
The 2011 NFL Kickoff game showcases the past two Super Bowl winners, so we'll see how bad those famous hangovers can be.
The Department of Justice has filed an antitrust lawsuit to block the merger between mobile service providers AT&T and T-Mobile, saying it would increase ...
President Obama promised that Thursday's jobs address to Congress would not conflict with the NFL season opener between Green Bay and New Orleans. What ...
With the U.S. Postal Service in danger of defaulting on a $5.5 billion payment due this month, a bailout will be necessary to ...
A report from the Centers for Disease Control showed that fewer Americans are smoking, and that those who do smoke are smoking less.
In "This Day In History," Tucker Hope investigates the dance once used to terrorize Jewish shop owners.
Medical marijuana would certainly be "a kind bud" to those suffering from debilitating cancer.
All experts agree that the failing U.S. economy is no reason not to invest in print media, Dick Cheney's new memoir reveals he ...
President Obama will earn $300,000 for stimulus purposes by appearing in a series of Japanese commercials, the nation's cable news networks promise not ...
The Get Out Of My Face boys are back at it, screaming from the hilltops about the lip-kissing Ryan twins and the NFL's decision ...