UNIONTOWN, PA—An elderly man currently struggling to walk up a flight of steps at the local post office has rocked this community of nearly 12,000 people, leaving many shaken and devastated by the slow-moving, wheezing octogenarian's inability to perform what was once an effortless physical task, sources confirmed Thursday.
NEW YORK—Despite the surprising coincidence of finding a perfectly formed swastika amidst the broken girders of the Twin Towers, 9/11 memorial curators have opted not to display the symbol, choosing instead to leave it in the storage facility where ...
President Obama will earn $300,000 for stimulus purposes by appearing in a series of Japanese commercials, the nation's cable news networks promise not to go overboard with their September 11th coverage, and a shitty zoo is promoting the hell out of its new fruit bat. It's the week of September 5th, 2011.
'Go Fill Yourself A Nice Pothole,' Say Republicans
WASHINGTON—Following President Obama’s speech on the state of the U.S. economy Thursday, House Republicans patronizingly approved an additional $400 in added fiscal stimulus and then sarcastically urged the nation to use the money to go fill in a pothole or fix a broken streetlight.
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC
Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!
TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.
Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon
ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.