RUMSON, NJ—After more than a year of writing and recording, Bruce Springsteen released his 18th studio album Tuesday, a concept record titled Red Dust ...
WASHINGTON—Top financial experts announced this morning that any chance for the struggling U.S. economy to improve now rests solely on the shoulders of ...
SMYRNA, GA—Foretelling a brave new epoch in Cumberland Mall T-Mobile store history, a grand "Under New Management" sign was triumphantly unfurled across the retailer ...
MARTINSVILLE, VA—Reflecting on the events of Sept. 11, 2001, grade-A moron Dennis Lloyd remarked aloud to friends Sunday that the tragedy likely would have ...
AFMADOW, SOMALIA—Utter global disinterest in the wholesale slaughter of 250,000 ethnic Bajuni people this week has caused Somali warlord Maj.
WASHINGTON—A new study released Monday by the U.S. Labor Department found that women, who currently earn 23 cents less on the dollar when ...
WASHINGTON—The Smithsonian Museum of American History has politely declined to accept the striped-blue tie worn by actor Dylan McDermott during the "Of Thee I ...
DECATUR, IL—Not wanting to appear old or frail in front of his family, 78-year-old Gordon Isensee did everything in his power Thursday to make ...
Space scientist Stewart David Nozette pleaded guilty to a charge of attempting to sell classified information to an FBI agent posing as an Israeli spy.
Aries: The gods do indeed enjoy playing games with our lives—tempting us with power and driving us mad with hubris—but you they just ...
"Onion Destitute Channel" Will Cater To Growing Demographic Of Americans Living In Poverty
NEW YORK, NY (September 15, 2011) - Following this week's report from ...
NEW YORK—Citing a responsibility to honor coworkers lost on Sept. 11, 2001, Continental Sports Channel managing editor and former Sports Night executive producer Dana ...
TAMPA, FL—NFL referee Bob Turner wishes he could find more time to be at home throwing a flag around with his 8-year-old son, the ...
MIAMI—Heat forward Chris Bosh confirmed Sunday he plans on dribbling around and shooting hoops alone in his driveway during the NBA lockout.
LAS VEGAS—Despite punching his opponent so hard and so often Monday that he killed him in the ring, boxer James Griffin is somehow not ...
BOSTON—According to resident Mike Donnick, his friend and roommate Ben Manton lives a bizarre parallel life as a fan of the U.K.
NEW YORK—Saying it "might be years before America's Team recovers from the devastation," Cowboys owner Jerry Jones told reporters Monday his team's ...
Last Saturday saw NFL teams making final cuts to get down to 53-man rosters, and some unexpected names had to hand in their playbooks.
A 500-ton crane set up to repair earthquake damage at the National Cathedral in Washington collapsed Wednesday, damaging several cars and a nearby building, but ...
Gov. Susana Martinez, who supports a bill that would prevent illegal immigrants from obtaining driver's licenses in New Mexico, has acknowledged her father's ...
According to University of Texas tax professor Calvin H. Johnson, the video game industry is one of the most heavily subsidized in the United States ...
In a recent study, children who watched SpongeBob SquarePants were less able to complete a problem-solving task than those who instead watched an educational cartoon ...
In 2010, the number of Americans living in poverty reached nearly one in six, the highest rate since 1993.
On Sunday, September 11, Americans will commemorate the tenth anniversary of the terrorist attacks that ended nearly 3,000 lives. As part of this remembrance ...
On "This Day In History," a historic civil rights law made racism less overt in America.
In this Daily Briefing, New York residents are outraged after learning that their State Senator accepted a paltry $3,000 bribe.
The nation commemorates the 10th anniversary of 9/11 by toasting the stable government of Afghanistan from atop the Freedom Tower. It's the week ...
"Our only shot at creating jobs is for this guy to buy a drill press," - Ben Bernanke
Kenny and Doc finish today's Get Out Of My Face with a rapid-fire NFL "Gun To Your Head," discussing Michael Vick's dog killing ...
