WASHINGTON—With gasoline prices dropping a full 26 cents from where they were a month ago, a new era of confidence and hope washed over ...

MALIBU, CA—Calling the process of acting as though you are someone you are not a "pretty ridiculous thing to do," actor Ed Harris, 60 ...

CORAL GABLES, FL—According to a report released Monday by a group of environmental researchers, all the good seashells worth picking up and bringing home ...

UNITED STATES—In cities across the nation, thousands of sports fans rallied together this weekend to demand the world provide them with something to purchase ...

MANCHESTER, CT—According to bored and increasingly irritated sources currently sitting at lane 8 of Manchester Family Bowl, Nick Morwood’s fourteenth birthday party has ...

DETROIT—At a gala ceremony in the heart of the city’s downtown, Detroit’s civic and business leaders unveiled a new half-ton, 400-horsepower Motown ...

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—In the wake of the watershed decision granting them the right to vote in the 2015 elections, Saudi women have received their ...

STOCKHOLM—The annual announcement of Nobel Prize winners was once again marred by vandalism this year, with triumphant fans of the 2011 laureates mobbing Stockholm ...

AUSTIN, TX—Texas restaurant owners voiced concerns Friday over the recent decision of state prison officials to end last meals for death row inmates, claiming ...

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—During an introduction to another man at a party Friday night, local resident Mike Greenly was reportedly blindsided by a high-speed handshake that ...

As Occupy Wall Street enters its fifth week, its numbers are growing and the movement is beginning to take shape. 

Leo The FBI will have to ask you some tough questions next week, such as whether true love really exists and what happens after we ...

PHILADELPHIA—While writing about a local field hockey star, reporter Alexander Schwartz typed and deleted both “woman” and “girl” before deciding English needed a female ...

FREMONT, NE—Ten minutes after returning home from his retirement party, mill supervisor Bill Poole sent his new watch in to Cash4Gold.com.

OMAHA, NE—Christine Cutcheons might not have been able to finish the book or sit through the whole movie trilogy, but damned if she won ...

BERNIE, MO—With local generator saturation at 99 percent, the proprietor of Generator King began tailoring all his ads specifically to that tough nut Jim ...

LinkedIn (LNKD) $84.22 (+7.24) (+9.4%) Evoking memories of its impressive public-trading debut, the professional networking site saw stocks skyrocket after introducing new ...

MINNEAPOLIS—In a press conference Thursday, Minnesota head coach Leslie Frazier made it clear Donovan McNabb would remain the team’s quarterback for the foreseeable ...

NEW YORK—Sources close to the Jets offensive line confirmed the players have enrolled in a continuing education course on pass blocking, attending their first ...

EVERYWHERE—The country's brothers-in-law released a statement Tuesday announcing their unparalleled desire to receive an expertly written, tangible anthology of sports and sports-culture journalism ...

JACKSONVILLE, FL—The only post on JagsBoard, a dedicated Jacksonville Jaguars fan page on which even spambots have not bothered to post, is an unanswered ...

To mark the publication of The Ecstasy Of Defeat, The Onion takes a look at the proud tradition of sports literature.

The Onion's new compendium of sportswriting will be available in bookstores everywhere Oct. 11. Is it any good?

After airing three episodes, NBC is dropping its retro series The Playboy Club, making it the first cancellation of the TV season. What do you ...

Nestlé aired a pet food ad on Austrian television that consisted of blips and high-pitched noises meant to attract dogs. What do you think?

After introducing Gov. Rick Perry during a campaign stop, megachurch pastor Robert Jeffress drew criticism when he referred to Mormonism as a cult.

Following a dispute between city and county officials over who should pay to prosecute offenders, the Topeka City Council voted to decriminalize misdemeanor domestic violence ...

Apple CEO Tim Cook announced that in 2012 the company will release the Steve Jobs 2, an updated version of the revolutionary Apple founder featuring ...

Brooke Alvarez fan, Brian Brus, asks Brooke what question she would ask herself. Take a look, the question may surprise (and frighten) you.

As featured on last night's "Onion News Network" on IFC, President Obama is back on top after cleaning the clock of a smug Wall ...

Congress passes a law requiring every U.S. dog to wear a neckerchief, a report shows that your mother is silently weeping about you right ...

Bandwagoning Idiot Purchases, Points Out He's Wearing Brewers NL Central Division Champions Cap