EDINA, MN–Jim Gustafson, a 33-year-old Edina sales manager, is winning widespread acclaim for helping to raise his own children.

COLUMBIA, MO—Joan Hadler wept tears of joy over a cheap, last-minute present bought at an airport gift shop.

PHOENIX, AZ—Rodney Granger, 46, a Phoenix-area father of three, drops frequent hints about his wife Sandy's sexual proclivities, his creeped-out children announced Monday.

ST. LOUIS PARK, MN—After months of procrastination, Sara Lister, 13, decided Monday that it is "finally time" to sit her parents down so they ...

KALAMAZOO, MI–A full 95 percent of the opinions held by Justin Wilmot, 26, were kept to himself Sunday during a Father's Day visit ...

PORTLAND, OR—Terrible father Peter Nesmith is the absolute coolest, neighborhood children reported Monday.

PASCO, WA—Jim Sterling, 31, reported Monday that he's excited to resume his friendship with his soon-to-be-divorced buddy Andy Freiburg.

ATHENS, GA—With truant payments on the rise, millions of American grandchildren are being left seriously undergifted, officials say.

WELLTON, AZ—After making a bunch of sappy vows he probably meant, Leighty open-mouth kissed his bride in front of all the guests and nobody ...

DES MOINES, IA—Calling the bird her "special visitor," Eileen Lankford was impressed by its appetite and noted that he "certainly liked to get his ...

CHICAGO—Subjects who drank five glasses or more showed an increased ability to recall each time their mothers had been unsupportive of boyfriends or husbands.

PASADENA, CA—After estimating that he had held her long enough, Dan Rudloff quickly found a suitable candidate to whom he could relinquish control of ...

GLENDALE, AZ—"Whether it's arguing over home mortgage payments, or why the godforsaken lights are always on, David and Sheila never disappoint," said a ...

HARRISBURG, PA—"You remember Jerry," Mom said in a long-distance telephone call to her youngest son, Daniel Schickele, 29. "He bought you that variety tin ...

SANDUSKY, OH—While most things to Gertrude Wharton are simply "a shame," other, more intense degrees include "a real shame," "a crying shame," and, worst ...

LOWELL, MA—The barbecue, which began shortly after 4 p.m., saw both emotionally fragile and needy family members Nicholas Aunchman, 3, and Sandy Aunchman ...

LA CROSSE, WI—"We're from Sweden or Norway or somewhere around there," said Sundling, who when prompted can accurately detail the origins of each ...

VIENNA, VA–John and Helen Blauvelt, proud parents of recent Duke Medical School graduate Diane Blauvelt, told their other, unsuccessful child Monday that they are ...

ROCKY MOUNT, NC—Emotionally distant, undemonstrative father Earl Kolchak expressed his love for his 17-year-old daughter Jessica Tuesday the only way he knows how: by ...

DARLINGTON, SC—According to loud reports from within the Kaminsky household Tuesday, if area father Russell Kaminsky steps on one more goddamn Lego, man, forget ...

HUNTINGTON, WV–Absolutely everything, from ordering a pizza to going out to the movies, has to be a huge goddamn ordeal for the Flemings, father ...

LONGMONT, CO–While speaking on the phone with his mother Monday, Sega Dreamcast enthusiast Jon Grebe, 22, defeated Sarge to reach the fifth level of ...

ROSE HILL, VA—Bruce Pillard, 34, was angered Tuesday over his 6-year-old daughter's indifferent reaction to A Charlie Brown Christmas. "That show is a ...

MOBILE, AL— After years of eating regular Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, the Conroy family upgraded Monday to the higher-end Velveeta Shells & Cheese. "We've finally arrived ...

PANAMA CITY, FL—Tragedy was narrowly averted Tuesday, when local 14-year-old Andy Foss suspended his usual non-stop autoerotic stimulation just long enough to drag unconscious ...

MIDDLETOWN, CT–Unveiling her latest college-acquired quirk, Wesleyan University freshman Julie Freitag, 18, informed her parents Monday that she is staunchly opposed to the use ...

GRAND MARAIS, MN—A pack of timberwolves failed to adopt and raise a human infant abandoned in Pat Bayle State Forest, local rangers reported Monday ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Tensions were running high Tuesday as Americans nervously explained their jobs, gave workplace tours, and introduced their bastard children to coworkers on National ...

BAKERSFIELD, CA—Although abducted 8-year-old Becca Schwalls has been safely returned to her family, her parents are "sort of having second...

WAUKESHA, WI—Although Sophia Burnhardt, matriarch of the extended Burnhardt clan, died last week, family sources confirmed that her memory will live on for years ...

NEWTON, GA—More than 60 years of strife and infighting among the Horton family reportedly surfaced Monday in the funeral guest book for the...

NAPERVILLE, IL—Citing a desire to ensure that his nine-month-old son, Jason, stays on the right path, Bill Yardley told reporters yesterday...

BABBITT, MN—After watching his brother-in-law wow his nieces and nephews during a family reunion with his ability to dunk a basketball and...

WALDEN, TN—While family members stood silently by and did nothing, visiting aunt Debbie Koeler proclaimed her desire to consume the "tiny...

EDINA, MN—Frank Noller, married father of two and advertising copywriter for Harton & North, extolled the virtues of family and parental...

SCHAUMBURG, IL— Father of five Don Knutsen, 39, can still recall a time not too long ago when he would have instantly dismissed the thought...

CLARE, MI—Despite losing the last of her mental faculties in 2004, Mary Parise, 89, avoided being committed to an elder-care facility until...

VANDERBILT, PA—Jasper, a 3-year-old short-legged terrier, gallantly defended the Henry household from a brief, high-pitched squeak Sunday...

EAST MEADOW, NY—Sixteen-year-old Jake Howell groaned and rolled his eyes Monday evening as he was subjected to another embarrassing...

DENTON, TX—Forty-one-year-old printer repairman and husband Nils Holzer was shocked by the quality of a kiss he shared with his wife before...

ATLANTA—A Zogby poll of 1,542 American grandparents published Monday found that grandsons were described as "very" to "extremely" talented...

EAST AURORA, NY—Fisher-Price announced the release of a new grown-up monitor Monday that will allow children to remotely keep tabs on their...

BLANCHARD, OK—Members of the Haggerty family expressed wonder and admiration Tuesday night when, at the surprisingly late hour of 10:30...

MINNEAPOLIS—Joseph Collins, 38, who is perhaps the luckiest man alive and who certainly doesn't deserve the wonderful woman who showed him...

OSHKOSH, WI—Insisting she recently received a ticket on Jackson Street, Brenda McCormick, 57, issued a stern warning to her son Justin...

ROANOKE, VA—The Stashwick family of Roanoke was "alarmed and saddened" to see a beloved-but-aging TV program suffer yet another terrible...

HOUGHTON, MI—A new study published in the science journal Nature has confirmed what area dad Charles Hillman has been saying all along, sources reported ...

LONDON—At a press conference Tuesday, 89-year-old Rose Biggin, a grandmother from the Camden Town neighborhood of North London, announced that she was in fact ...

KALONA, IA—According to family sources, Barack Obama's aunt Claudia, 79, mailed a letter to the president Monday that included a short note and ...

NORRISTOWN, PA—Despite receiving a “check-plus” on his three-page school project entitled “World War II,” fourth-grader Joe Fisher’s work grossly overlooks the full significance ...

KEENE, NH—After enduring a temporary moment of heartbreak upon hearing their grandmother had died in her sleep the previous night, children of the Sullivan ...

Dear Wife Helping Her Husband Back a Camper into a Park Site, My parents are getting to that age when they need a little more...

DETROIT—Following a phone call home Monday, Tigers starting pitcher Justin Verlander said that he hadn’t even bothered to explain the difference between a ...

BALTIMORE—David Segal, 38-year-old accountant and father of two, expressed hope that his 10-year-old son's recent interest in long jumping...

INDIANAPOLIS—While watching a recent Pacers-Cavaliers game with his 31-year-old son Daniel, Paul Steitzer, 64, began talking about former Jazz and Hawks legend "Pistol" Pete ...

INDIANAPOLIS—Clapping randomly as he struggled to follow the action on the field, a confused Eli Manning attempted to cheer for his older brother Peyton ...

PEBBLE BEACH, CA—In an effort to show appreciation for his Father's Day gift, Phil Mickelson, participating in the final round of the U ...

FERNDALE, MI—After a storied three-month career as the starting running back, the third-string safety, and, when Billy's grandfather died, the punter for peewee ...

CHICAGO—Just days before the Blackhawks' first-round playoff loss to the Vancouver Canucks Wednesday, star right winger Patrick Kane announced to a stunned locker room ...

In The Know panelists say more states should make decorating a nursery and choosing a baby name required steps in obtaining access to an abortion.

Across the country, aunts and stepdads are braving crowds to get their hands on the perfect gift for the relatives they barely know.

Officials say a positive E. coli test prompted the recall, affecting the Wharton family's stores of ground beef, beef chuck, and rump roast.

Press Secretary Ted Barrett deflects questions about the gruesome car wreck that killed his wife hours ago in order to focus on the President's ...

Rep. David Whittle (D-VA) speaks passionately about how his son, who died in Iraq, would have loved to see this appropriations bill passed.

Congressman Eisley conducts hearing on Market Data Protection Reform, restrains self from murdering five year old son.

DEA Official Stephen Lovejoy says Matt Lovejoy was found in possession of 1/8th ounce of marijuana and a glass pipe in defiance of the ...

Designed with the frustrated, sleep-deprived parent in mind, the BabySafe Ball can withstand shaking, stabbing, and claims you wish it'd never been born.

'E-Mom' Gloria Bianco shows Jim and Tracy how geographical distance is no longer a roadblock to shamelessly interfering with the lives of your children.

Rich and Lisa Shaw say there were no warning signs that their 300-pound Burmese Python would crush and eat their 3 year old son.

Organizers say until there is absolute acceptance of breastfeeding, nursing moms must vigilantly expose their swollen, milk-sodden breasts everywhere from community cookouts to the local ...

On Today Now!, golf expert Jordan Ritter has some Pro Tips for maintaining a steady swing while hitting the links with your mistress' husband.

The number of births in the United States dropped for the third consecutive year in 2010, with birthrates in many age groups hitting an all-time ...

A water pump in Illinois was damaged when hackers took control of it earlier this month. What do you think?

Tasked with finding $1.2 trillion worth of deficit cuts to be spread over the next 10 years, the budget super committee in Congress announced ...

Michael Falk interviews new prison inmate, disgraced financier, Brian Wasserman, and becomes spellbound by the repetitive monotony of daily prison life.

It's a decision plaguing every American: Jay Z's "Watch the Throne" or Lil Wayne's "Carter IV", but Brooke Alvarez clearly has a ...

Reggie and Kenny helm a very special Thanksgiving GOOMF, stuffing their mouths full of turkey and talking about how the Cowboys make everyone want to ...

Confused Texas Father Forces Son To Hit Ping Pong Ball Through Tire