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Issue 4748

In Theory

Showtime 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST Adventurous philosophy professor Jane Theory is a sexual dynamo whose intellectual musings during intercourse help her many partners reach epiphanies and orgasms they never dreamed possible.

Wife Hoarders

A&E 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST It’s nearly impossible to wade through the stacks and stacks of wives from the 1970s that Alan has stored in his living room.

Osprey Devours Lion In Massive Food-Chain Shake-Up

DAR ES SALAAM—With its dramatic depiction of an osprey stalking, killing, and eating a lion, a video released Tuesday reveals what alarmed scientists have described as a massive and shocking disruption of the global food chain. The graphic footage, ...


"This profound disturbance could threaten the stability of entire ecosystems" - Zoologist Rebecca Clattenburg.

Cake Boss

TLC 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST Nerves are at an all-time high as the crew races to finish a custom cake for the Ace Of Cakes wrap party.

Radio DJ Invites Whole Town To Some Bullshit

TULSA, OK—According to an on-air announcement, KWPA disc jockey Johnny the Radio Bomb is inviting the entire populace of Greater Tulsa to some bullshit or other happening this Sunday.  The bullshit, which is taking place in the parking lot of K...

54 Iraqis Die In Not Our Problem Anymore

BAGHDAD—A series of massive explosions ripped through a crowded central Baghdad market on Friday, killing at least 54 Iraqi citi­zens in not our problem anymore. Shortly before noon local time, according to sources, four trucks loaded with explo...

U.S. Adds 4 Million Jobs But In St. Louis

WASHINGTON—The Labor Department reported Monday that the U.S. economy created a staggering 4 million jobs in October, though government officials hastened to add that the new positions are all located in the St.

Wife Unfazed By Husband's Sad E-Mails To Other Women

SPOKANE, WA—After stumbling upon several pathetic, mostly one-way e-mail correspondences between her husband and other women, local real estate agent Gertrude Tisch said Monday she did not feel particularly threatened by the discovery, and actually ...

Dolphins vs. Cowboys

The Dolphins visit Dallas for the traditional Cowboys Thanksgiving game. Here's how these teams could make this super-70s matchup watchable:

Eagles Having Postmodernist Short-Storybook Season

PHILADELPHIA—With a complete lack of ordered structure, a highly compromised cast of characters lacking a true protagonist, and no coherent resolution in sight, the Eagles—who began the season widely heralded as the best team in football...

Team Unsure Of What Fans Mean By 'Go!'

CHARLOTTE, NC—Saying the command was not very specific and lacked any real substance, confused members of the Carolina Panthers football team were forced to call a timeout Sunday so they could try to figure out what their fans meant by "Go!...

Your Horoscopes - Week Of November 29, 2011

Aries They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, but as far as you're concerned, crap like that is for people who can get out of bed. Taurus Your significant other has always been the never-say-d...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage


  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales: