North Korea

Top Headlines

Issue 4803

Jan. 23

Quilting for Teens: Please come back, Dana! You're the only person who ever came, and I miss you!

Where Are They Now?

ABC 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST This week's episode follows up with our contestants from last week, whom we've checked in with once a week since the show began.

Area Man Relieved Friend's Short Story Sucks

BOSTON—After reading the final draft Saturday morning, local man Chris Peters, 27, was relieved to discover the short story written by his friend Mark Carter, 26, was absolutely terrible.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

House and Home

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Preparedness

  • Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

    STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

North Korea

"Approximately 30,000 children leapt through the air with shiny metallic streamers, while the coordinated undulations of T-shirted adults simulated a giant North Korean flag fluttering in the wind. In other words, as of late, we've seen nothing out of the ordinary here." - State Department foreign policy analyst William T. Baker