Issue 4803

Jan. 23

Quilting for Teens: Please come back, Dana! You're the only person who ever came, and I miss you!

Where Are They Now?

ABC 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST This week's episode follows up with our contestants from last week, whom we've checked in with once a week since the show began.

Area Man Relieved Friend's Short Story Sucks

BOSTON—After reading the final draft Saturday morning, local man Chris Peters, 27, was relieved to discover the short story written by his friend Mark Carter, 26, was absolutely terrible.

Feel Superior Now, Asshole?

TLC 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST A bride can't fit into her dream dress and an aspiring chef botches his first assignment. But you would like that, wouldn't you?

Jan. 20

As a reminder to those attending the West Side Rink's public skate next week, the arena's stolen Zamboni still hasn't been recovered, so the ice will be quite rough.

Romney Facing Flak For Turn As Venture Capitalist

Rivals have bashed Mitt Romney for his role at Bain Capital—the investment group that held stakes in such businesses as Sports Authority, Dunkin’ Donuts, and Domino’s Pizza—claiming his pursuit of personal profit cost hundreds ...


"Ultimately, the goal of SweetSpace is to be Facebook for the Facebook generation."

Jan. 19

Due to recent budget cuts eliminating sanitation service, garbage fires are now authorized to rage from 10 a.m.


NBC 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST About 25 years too late, Skippy from Family Ties gets his own spin-off show.

Right v. Wrong

"We firmly believe that malice, dishonesty, and injustice were the framers' original intent," - Justice Scalia

Your Horoscopes - Week Of January 17, 2012

Aries Jupiter rising in your sign is usually an indicator of prosperous ambitions, but when it just keeps coming right at you, it becomes downright terrifying. Taurus You have yet to find a love worthy of your unique aff...

New Screwdriver Head

"Well, I've never had a problem with my Phillips or my flathead, but if the question is would I reject a new screwdriver head outright without even trying it first, then the answer is no, I don't think I would."

How I Met Your Mother

CBS 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST The narrator's early-onset Alzheimer's leads to the reintroduction of Marshall and Lily.

Huntsman Drops Out, Endorses Huntsman

MYRTLE BEACH, SC—Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman announced today he was dropping out of the race, and, citing his good character, foreign policy experience, and overall pragmatic approach, officially endorsed former Utah governor Jon ...

Arby's Grab-N-Go

"It's that same Arby's taste you love, but piled high in your own two hands."

Ndamukong Suh Fined $75,000, Just To Wrap Things Up

NEW YORK—In what it is calling "the only fitting way" to end a season marked by continual unsportsmanlike conduct and accompanying disciplinary action, the NFL announced Friday it had fined Ndamukong Suh an additional $75,000 just to finis...

Athletes And Religion

Tim Tebow has reinvigorated discussion on athletes using the field as a pulpit, but of course he's hardly the first to do so. Bill Belichick: Had God killed in 2003 Barry Bonds: Pointed to the sky after hitting hi...
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North Korea

"Approximately 30,000 children leapt through the air with shiny metallic streamers, while the coordinated undulations of T-shirted adults simulated a giant North Korean flag fluttering in the wind. In other words, as of late, we've seen nothing out of the ordinary here." - State Department foreign policy analyst William T. Baker

More from this section

Feel Superior Now, Asshole?

TLC 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST A bride can't fit into her dream dress and an aspiring chef botches his first assignment. But you would like that, wouldn't you?

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