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Issue 4804

Screwballs

ABC Family 7 p.m. EST/6 p.m. CST The gang engages in all the hijinks allowed by ABC Family Worldwide's strict programming guidelines, including a three-second pillow fight and almost dropping a birthday cake.

The Art Of Compromise

Never imagined you'd be 35, married with two kids, and working a job you can't stand in a town you once vowed to leave?

Piers Morgan: The Animated Adventure

ABC 9 a.m. EST/8 a.m. CST This Saturday morning, Piers sets out on a quest to find the most-talented person in all of Morgania before sitting down for a chatty, yet in-depth interview with cartoon Rob Lowe.

New Law Prohibits Kaleidoscoping While Driving

TRENTON, NJ— Citing the nearly 1,500 deaths that occurred in the United States last year as a result of kaleidoscoping while driving, New Jersey governor Chris Christie signed legislation Friday banning the practice.

Internet Against SOPA, PIPA

Last week, several websites, including Google and Wikipedia, raised awareness of the prohibitive measures included in the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and the Protect IP Act (PIPA). Here are some of the legislation's controversial provisions: 

Population Growth

"I'm just going to level with you—the earth's carrying capacity will no longer be able to keep up with population growth, and civilization will end unless large swaths of human beings are killed, so the question is: How do we want to do this?...

How Would You Like To Die?

Back to story: Scientists: 'Look, One-Third Of The Human Race Has To Die For Civilization To Be Sustainable, So How Do We Want To Do This?'

Project Runaway

Lifetime 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST Fourteen-year-old Ashley Fennel is sick of letting her bitch foster mom boss her around and decides to take to the open road. Meanwhile, Jake returns after an unexplained two-week absence, but doesn't want to talk about it...

Romneymania

"The raw energy and enthusiasm Mitt Romney stirs inside people is like nothing I've ever seen." - Youngstown, OH auto mechanic Chris Ritenour

Romneymania Sweeps America

TAMPA, FL—From coast to coast, town to town, and in nearly every public meeting place and private residence across America, millions have been captivated, inspired, and in some cases moved to tears by presidential candidate Mitt Romney, the former M...

Uncle Joe

 "I'll teach you the hot licks and killer riffs you need to get 'em wet where it counts." - Vice President Biden

Your Horoscopes - Week Of January 24, 2012

Aries Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 "cross your heart and hope to die" pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben. Taurus Your fear of pub...

Ron Paul

"He's not afraid to give Americans no-nonsense straight talk about his completely delusional fantasy world.

Celebrity Career Swap

ABC 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST No one will trade careers with Avril Lavigne, but Scarlett Johansson and Shaq seem to be having a good time.

Nation Impressed By Feats Of Very Strong Little Boy

Pint-Sized Muscleman Can Lift Entire Frozen Turkey Over Head

WILLIAMSON, NY—Seven-year-old elementary school student Michael Sartinsky has once again wowed the nation with the latest impromptu demonstration of his almost superhuman strength, this time lifting an entire frozen turkey clear over his head and ho...

Eli Manning

He has one Super Bowl ring and has led his team to another NFC Championship Game, but many still aren't ready to call Eli an elite quarterback. Is he any good?

New Super Stats

Sports is currently enjoying an era of unprecedented statistical analysis, with Moneyball having opened the floodgates for stats-oriented people to find new benchmarks in every sport.

Baltimore Ravens Admit They Like The Ugly Wins

BALTIMORE—Reflecting on a 12-4 season that showcased their gritty, brash, defense-first style, the Baltimore Ravens admitted Thursday that while everyone else chases the pretty, sexy wins, they actually prefer theirs ugly.
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This newly renovated building is the perfect place for dates to drop you off, and a photograph of its exterior is a great way to prove to your parents that you’re doing fine on your own. $200 a month. Living on property not allowed. Reference number 84233

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