WASHINGTON—Recent side-by-side photographic comparisons of Americans before and after he assumed the presidency have confirmed the stress of Barack Obama's time in the ...
Number Astronomically High For Harmonious, Postracial 21st-Century America, Researchers Say
NEW YORK—A shocking study released Thursday by sociologists at Columbia University found that more than 12 instances of racism occurred in 2011, suggesting not ...
TEHRAN—Amidst mounting geopolitical tensions, Iranian officials said Wednesday they were increasingly concerned about the United States of America's uranium-enrichment program, fearing the Western ...
TAMPA, FL—After finishing last in this week's Florida primary, Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul told reporters his poor showing in the polls was ...
'They Won't Kill You Or Anything, But They Can't Be Good For You,' Say Officials
WASHINGTON—Department of Health and Human Services officials held a press conference Monday to announce that while no studies had been conducted to establish that ...
WASHINGTON—According to a report from the U.S. Department of Education released Thursday, watching a single episode of the British TV series Downton Abbey ...
BALTIMORE—According to a study published Monday in Psychological Bulletin, more than 83 percent of suicides take place when an individual is faced with the ...
PRINCETON, NJ—A new biography by science historian Tanya Medel has rocked the physics world with the revelation that theoretical physicist Albert Einstein wasn't ...
CINCINNATI—People in the greater Cincinnati area reported multiple sightings of a nonindigenous Larry on Wednesday, leading officials from the Ohio Department of ...
UTICA, NY—A poll released Tuesday by Zogby International found that 72 percent of Americans would prefer it if things could go right, just this ...
CHICAGO—West Roosevelt High School student Jeremy Holloran became the first recipient of the Donald Rumsfeld Scholarship for Limited Geopolitical Foresight on Wednesday, a recognition ...
BROOKLYN, NY—Kevin Stenner, 32, known as "Uncle Kev" to the wound-up screaming children whose most chaotic, destructive, and self-gratifying tendencies he unabashedly fosters, was ...
During primary season, it can be tough to decide whom you wish to nominate for president of the United States. Here are some simple ways ...
Last week, the final chapter of Soul Train came to a close when show creator and longtime host Don Cornelius was found dead in his ...
Aries The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you're supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor ...
COLUMBUS, OH—Fantastic roommate Billy Grant just won't stop buying toilet paper.
EL PASO, TX—A cockroach living under the fridge in Nelson and Elizabeth Gebler's kitchen headed to work thinking, "Cockroach’s gotta make a ...
VICTOR, CO—Amateur photographer Blake Cogburn, 33, hit the jackpot after happening upon an old boxcar.
GOSHEN, IN—Fortunately, Wayne Carlin's cocker spaniel’s birthday happens to fall on Valentine's Day, or he would have had to throw two ...
$75.30 (+$.1.10) (+1.5%) The automaker's shares went up after it announced a deal with Costco in which the warehouse-store chain will ...
DALLAS—Sought-after free agent pitcher Roy Oswalt said he was "flattered and impressed" by the effort the Texas Rangers made in trying to sign him ...
TAMPA, FL—New Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach Greg Schiano explained to reporters Friday his decision to leave Rutgers, saying the mid-Florida football team offered his ...
LOS ANGELES—At a press conference Monday, Everton and Los Angeles Galaxy forward Landon Donovan announced his signing of a $2-Per-Goal contract with his grandparents ...
NEW YORK—The NHL announced Tuesday it would study the possible safety and injury risks of playing hockey on Astro-Ice, an artificial rink-surfacing material used ...
In a special post-speech analysis, panelists discuss what America did to make President Obama so angry he was actually spitting while he yelled at us.
A 48-year-old West Palm Beach millionaire and polo club founder has adopted his 42-year-old girlfriend in an apparent bid to avoid paying out a wrongful ...
Nine whooping cranes that had been following an ultralight aircraft as it guided them on their migratory route stopped when they reached Alabama, 500 miles ...
A study published in Archives Of General Psychiatry found that middle-aged men who smoked had diminished cognitive skills, the equivalent of having aged an additional ...
A study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal analyzed two decades of research and found that children who were punished physically became more aggressive ...
Dear The Onion, Where are scientists at on cloning? Since the sheep it seems like there’s been nothing. Paul Goethe, Rochester, NY
Dear The Onion,
Enclosed is a weird smell that’s been lingering in my kitchen for a good month now. It’s like wet ham ...
Republicans will reveal the identity of the Mystery Candidate only after he, or she, wins the election.
FOX
6 p.m. EST/5 p.m. CST
Judge Tommy rules that to recover his money from a crooked car dealer, plaintiff Clark Reynolds ...
CW 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST Tonight: The beautiful but absentminded Cryojennifer completely messes up a sales report at work, makes the ...
NBC 4 p.m. EST/3 a.m. CST Dr. Oz surprises everyone in the studio audience with free defibrillators.
MTV 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST A bad case of the cramps threatens Gina's perfect attendance record.
"We're excited we made contact with this advanced form of life, but it's clear they're pretty big jerks." - NASA
"Think about it: You're a United States citizen who has to live with the decision to elect Barack Obama every single day, a decision ...
"We've basically flushed $11,000 down the toilet for every single one of these little bastards." Education Secretary Arne Duncan
Eli Manning wins the Super Bowl, but not his freedom from football. It's a special GOOMF Blast!
Novak Djokovic Signs Endorsement Deal With Serbia's Top Brand Of Luxury Goats
Most Clippers Fans Still Have No Idea Team Is Doing Well
Indianapolis Colts Somehow Wind Up With Exact Same Coaching Staff
Star Fix has an exclusive interview with the man who has enchanted audiences for the last 30 years playing the delightfully wacky, oversized puppet of ...
