The Week In Pictures

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Issue 4811

Still Some Nutella Left In Jar, Reports Depression

TIGARD, OR—Citing the fact that having another spoonful or two wasn't going to make much of a difference at this point anyway, a crippling bout of clinical depression reported Tuesday there was definitely still some Nutella left in that jar. 

Children's Stair Injuries Down Nearly 12%

A study from Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, OH reports that, while a child is hospitalized every six minutes with a stair-related injury, the number of incidences has fallen to 11.6 percent since 1999.

In Over Your Head

We're talking $1,310 a month for the next 30 years of your life—that's until 2042 and doesn't even begin to include property taxes.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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The Week In Pictures

Alien World To Help Out Syria Since This One Refuses To
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Could The Use Of Flying Death Robots Be Hurting America's Reputation Worldwide?
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Black Sheep Of Earnhardt Family Dies In Public Transit Crash
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Google Shuts Down Gmail For Two Hours To Show Its Immense Power
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Obama Waiting For Perfect Moment To Walk By White House Tour Group
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Rick Santorum Relieved No One Has Asked Him About Interracial Marriage Yet
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Pathetic Bobcats Owner Again Regaling Players With Tales of His NBA Glory Days
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Romney, Santorum Supporters To Beat Living Shit Out Of Each Other At Montana Primary
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Supreme Court Justices Drowsily Bid One Another Good Night While Drifting Off To Sleep In Giant Shared Bed
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Study Finds Owning Cool Leather Jacket More Rewarding Than Raising Children
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Report: Only Matter Of Time Before A 'SportsCenter' Host Snaps, Blows Brains Out On Live Television
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