Man With Nice Eyes Blown

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Issue 4813

Cupcake Truce

Food 8:30 p.m. EST/7:30 p.m. CST Years of devastation come to an end as mediators negotiate a treaty between Melinda Scott of Twinkle Cupcakes and Jessica Hammerman of Sprinkles.

Apartment Returns To Pre-Houseguest Level Of Tension

COLUMBUS, OH—With the Sunday afternoon departure of friends visiting from Chicago for the weekend, the apartment of Gary and Felicia Mylan ceased being a warm, open household and returned to its normal atmosphere of icy resentment.

Media Manipulations, Falsehoods, And The Greater Truth

Recently, the most downloaded episode of This American Life—featuring Mike Daisey's monologue The Agony And The Ecstasy Of Steve Jobs—and a viral video about Africanchild soldiers called Kony 2012 have fallen under fire for failing to prov...

Cash Bus

Discovery 9:00 p.m. EST/8:00 p.m. CST No one on the B48 to Greenpoint knows the capital of Indonesia.

Man With Nice Eyes Blown

Female voters can't help fawning over sexist GOP candidates, a homesick kid on a sleepover just needs to tough it the fuck out, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson lets it slip that he's been to Mars.

Sunny & Raini

Disney 1:00 p.m. EST/12:00 p.m. CST Sunny, who was honestly born in the late ’90s, needs Raini, who doesn’t even remember being alive when Bill Clinton was in office, to lend her money for a new guitar.

Your Horoscopes – Week of March 27, 2012

Aries This is a good time to make big moves at work, as you'll show up Monday to find all the furniture's gone and everyone has relocated to a new office somewhere outside Gary, IN. Taurus You'll experience a desire to s...

Tom And Karen's Baby

ABC Family 8:00 p.m. EST/7:00 p.m. CST Having decided they weren't assaulting their friends and acquaintances enough with pictures of their 14-month-old daughter Kala on Facebook and on their own devoted Wordpress blog, the Carters have purchased an hour...

NFL Panics When Only 17 Prospects Declare For Draft

NEW YORK—National Football League officials announced Monday that the 2012 player draft, originally scheduled to begin April 26, may have to be rescheduled or restructured, as only 17 college prospects have declared thus far.

Women Voters Can't Help Fawning Over Sexist GOP

'We Should Know Better, But There's Just Something About Its Unflinching Misogyny,' Says Gushing Female Populace

WASHINGTON—Saying they know its no good for them but they just can't help themselves, gushing women voters acknowledged Monday the overwhelming and uncontrollable attraction they feel toward the sexist Republican party. Smitten female voters across ...

Sidney Crosby's Long Year Off

Sidney Crosby's back and doing very well indeed since a concussion forced him to sit out a year of hockey. We look at how he spent his recovery time.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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