Poll: Support For Afghanistan War Up Among Americans Who Love Horrible Situations

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Issue 4816

Study: Red Meat Takes Years Off Of Cow's Life

WASHINGTON—Confirming years of speculation, a new study from the U.S. Department of Agriculture's National Animal Health Monitoring System has found that red meat significantly increases the risk of premature death in cows.

Storage Wars

A&E 8:30 p.m. EST/7:30 p.m. CST A dejected Dave thinks the storage locker he purchased is a bust when once again he finds nothing but a 55-gallon oil drum stuffed with two female bodies, but he rejoices upon realizing the corpses are concealing a min...

So, You Wanna Dance?

Fox 8:00 p.m. EST/7:00 p.m. CST With host Ryan Seacrest looming over them, waiting…sure they do!
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Preparedness

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Entertainment

  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Poll: Support For Afghanistan War Up Among Americans Who Love Horrible Situations

WASHINGTON—According to the results of a Gallup poll conducted last month, support for the U.S. occupation of Afghanistan has surged among Americans who absolutely adore horrible situations. "Overall, there was a 95 percent approval rating among citizens who hope to deal with their child being kidnapped some day," Gallup representative Wendy Timmins said Wednesday, adding that the conflict was particularly popular among individuals looking forward to undergoing chemotherapy treatments for pancreatic cancer. "We also found a massive overlap between those who support the war and those who said they enjoyed having their homes foreclosed on, carbon-monoxide poisoning enthusiasts, and people open to the idea of having needles shoved into their own eyes." In sharp contrast to these findings, Gallup released another poll showing that talk of troop withdrawal had led to a sharp decline of support for the White House's Afghanistan policy among people who enjoy intractable conundrums.