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Issue 4818

This Is Fun, Right?

GSN 8:00 p.m. EST/7:00 p.m. CST Host Jon Barton can’t tell if contestants are having a good time, so he tries to think of fun games for them to play.

Mosquitoes Don't Even Need To Bite Us, Study Shows

MINNEAPOLIS—According to a study published Friday by researchers at the University of Minnesota, mosquitoes have no physiological reason to bite humans, and in fact do so only out of spite. "For years, entomologists assumed members of the ...

The Dandelion Gang

Nickelodeon 11:00 a.m. EST/10:00 a.m. CST Something is a little bit off with the Dandelion Gang, until the credits roll and you realize the show was produced in Canada.

Remembering Dick Clark

Dick Clark, the creator and longtime host of American Bandstand and Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, died on Apr. 18 of a heart attack. Here are some highlights from the beloved TV personality’s life: ...

Thing With Old Girlfriend Works With New Girlfriend

BOSTON—According to local man Peter McCarthy, an endearing behavior that once helped him nurture companionship and intimacy with ex-girlfriend Kara Banachek is currently allowing him to do the same with new girlfriend Alyssa Michals.

Operation Repo 

truTV 10:00 p.m. EST/9:00 p.m. CST The team faces a paradox when it’s sent to repossess the cameras and lighting equipment from truTV's own offices after the cable network defaults on yet another production loan.

Anxiety-Ridden Man Rightly Ashamed Of Every Single Thing He Does

'We Are All Silently Judging Him At Every Moment, Just As He Suspects,' Acquaintances Say

OAKLAND, CA—Friends and colleagues of copywriter Timothy Gibula confirmed Wednesday that the anxiety-ridden 36-year-old is right to feel ashamed of every single thing he does, considering that all his acquaintances are, exactly as he fears, actively...

New Visa Talking Credit Card Urges Buyers To Go For It

SAN FRANCISCO—Financial services giant Visa held a press event Tuesday to introduce "Visa Voice," a new line of talking credit cards that urges shoppers to just go ahead and buy it if that's what they really want. "Whenever ...

Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012

Aries You will experience unbounded happiness and success in every area of your life this week, unless of course there is something fundamentally and irreversibly wrong with you. Taurus Your life story will bring much-ne...

Who Do You Think You Are?

NBC 8:00 p.m. EST/7:00 p.m. CST This week, more Nazi ancestors are uncovered for Gwyneth Paltrow, Taylor Lautner, and Joey Fatone.

NASA Announces Plans To Put Man On Bus To Cleveland

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—Hailing the dawn of a new era in long-distance highway travel, NASA officials unveiled Monday the agency’s ambitious plans to put a man on a bus to Cleveland, OH by early 2013. The complex and dangerous three-day mission, du...

Exhausted Ken Burns Urges Baseball To Stop

WALPOLE, NH—Exhausted and haggard documentarian Ken Burns begged Major League Baseball to cease operations Tuesday, saying that any future games, trades, or league action would warrant further installments of the filmmaker's sprawling, now 23-hour-long documentary Baseball.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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