Issue 4822

Ellen Cooper

Account manager Ellen Cooper only sighed audibly four times during last Tuesday's staff meeting.

Deadliest Catch: Fish Perspective

Discovery 9:00 p.m. EST/8:00 p.m. CST Tonight, teams of fish equipped with special underwater cameras attempt to avoid the fishermen’s nets, but then they just swim away with all the cameras and footage.

Sad Sack Bullied By Area Goose

ARLINGTON, MA—According to onlookers in Wright Park, local sad sack Morgan Jennings was intimidated, bullied, and sent fleeing for safety by a Canada goose today while walking beside the park's namesake pond. Sources said the 36-year-old benefits of...

Dinner For One

Food 10:00 p.m. EST/9:00 p.m. CST Four days after Kaitlin's decision to call off the engagement, host Adam Viscardi gazes vacantly into the camera while absentmindedly eating half a box of pancake mix.

Greatest Team Anthems

The Flaming Lips' Wayne Coyne just unveiled "Thunder Up," a psyche-up song calculated to spur the Oklahoma City Thunder to victory. As we see here, it's hardly the first time a team has had its own anthem.

NBA Arrested For Marijuana Possession

NEW YORK—The National Basketball Association is in custody today after law enforcement officials found the professional sports league to be in possession of more than 4,800 ounces of high-potency marijuana with a street value exceeding $2 million. ...

Secret Service Called Before Congress

Following an incident in Colombia in which Secret Service agents drank excessively and hired prostitutes, the head of the agency was called before Congress to discuss the scandal and its fallout. Here are some of ...

The Big L

Lifetime 8:00 p.m. EST/7:00 p.m. CST Just when she thought she erased the stigma of Lyme disease in her small town, Mary overhears neighbors discussing their love of ticks.

Thom Cargill

Thom Cargill kept his tuberculosis under wraps so as not to be a downer during the flight from Hong Kong to L.A.

Big 12 Agrees To Annual Bowl Loss Against SEC

IRVING, TX—Keeping with years of tradition of getting blown out in demoralizing defeats to its dominating competitor, the Big 12 Conference confirmed Monday it has agreed to a yearly bowl loss to the Southeastern Conference.

Your Horoscopes - Week Of May 29, 2012

Aries You'll wake up in strangers' beds five times this week, which should be all the proof you need that you should meet more people. Taurus Sometimes it's useful to be literal-minded, but for the love of God, please stop...

Behind The Pen: Collective Wisdom

If you like watching DVDs or streaming movies online, this week's must-see Behind the Pen video will reveal whether you are a sophisticated adult or a mixed-up teen.

Exposed Brick

USA 9:00 p.m. EST/8:00 p.m. CST Realtor-by-day, flasher-by night Brick Conley almost gets caught when showing an apartment with exposed brick walls to a couple he recently flashed in the park.


It's time for the Western Conference Finals, featuring an archetypical dynamic young team and an archetypical veteran team with strong fundamentals.
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