Dog Named Murph Lives Up To Name

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Issue 4823

The Northernmost Corner Of Your Room

Let this quiet 14-by-14-foot alcove be your sweet respite from the pile of work on your bed, the unsorted receipts on your desk, and the closet full of clothes that haven't fit you since November!

The Dunham Group

PBS 11:00 a.m. EDT/10:00 a.m. CDT Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham discusses the week's political developments with panelists Peanut, Bubba J, Achmed the Dead Terrorist, and Pat Buchanan.

Governor Too Embarrassed To Say Which State He Leads

WASHINGTON—According to event attendees, after numerous failed attempts to steer the subject away from his occupation, an American governor in town for a fundraiser Thursday at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts finally acknowledged he was t...

Nurse Jackie

Showtime 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT To cover up accidentally killing a patient while high on Percocet, Nurse Jackie gets canceled.

Earthquake Late-Warning System Goes Off In Haiti

Ann Romney says her husband has a deeply principled side no one ever sees in public, physicists discover that our universe is the fictional setting of a cop show called "Hard Case," and an area man leaves a father-daughter dance with a different...

Houston, We Have Some FUN!

Even though the shuttle program is over, the fun's not over at NASA. Come on down to Houston and see for yourself at the brand new Johnson Space Center Haunted House.

The Bachelor's

ABC 9:00 p.m. EST/8:00 p.m. CST Sandra is eliminated after her senior thesis on gender politics in Beowulf fails to impress the judges. (ABC) 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT

Your Horoscopes - Week Of June 5, 2012  

Aries You will receive a mention in an exhaustive New Yorker piece titled "6 Billion To Watch Under 100." Taurus If someone had told you a week ago that there was something better than sex, you wouldn't ...

4-Year-Old Shows New Doll The Ropes

BIRMINGHAM, AL—According to sources, local 4-year-old Annie Platt spent much of Tuesday afternoon showing the ropes to her newest toy, a stuffed rag doll named Lucy.
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