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Issue 4827

Giraffes Of The Kalahari

Discovery 8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT With the help of photography and narration, viewers will get a little smarter in the giraffe department.

Dana Alvarez and Ryan Coffman

Dana Alvarez and Ryan Coffman tied the knot Saturday night at Beef ‘O’ Brady’s just to get that drunken Unification Church officiate off their goddamn backs.

The Rookie

ABC 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT In tonight's season-four finale, everyone agrees that while, yes, Detective Sergeant is in his fourth year and should no longer be considered a rookie on the force, they will continue to consider him a rookie, because the ...

Obama Slips 'Hope' Into Speech For The Fans

A string of poorly received performances forces a sock puppet to return to a foot, a study shows that 85% of Americans don't know all of the dance moves to the national anthem, and Keith Richards' housekeeper has braced herself for finding a dead body eve...

Man Sneaks In Mid-Snack Nibble

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA—Local man Gary Crawford reportedly sneaked in a quick mid-snack nibble Thursday, devouring an Oreo cookie to pacify an intense craving the 46-year-old experienced while munching from a box of Cheez-It crackers.

Nation's Couples Hit Rough Spell

PROVIDENCE, RI—According to a survey released Tuesday by psychologists at Brown University, couples in the United States have been going through a bit of a rough patch lately, and if something doesn't change, and change soon, the future of their rel...


Travel 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT In an unexpectedly candid look at what it takes to survive on the open road, host Thad Blankenship blows some guy so he can sleep in his truck.

Margaret Jones and Todd Jacobson

Margaret Jones and Todd Jacobson said their vows in front of friends and family at a large outdoor ceremony in Jefferson Park, and then again in a private voodoo ceremony immediately after.

Nation Celebrates Independence Day

This Fourth of July, communities throughout the United States will once again gather together to commemorate the nation's independence with baseball games, parades, fireworks, and other annual traditions that often date back generations. Here's how to...

Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 3rd, 2012

Aries Remember, taking drugs is no way to be cool and have fun. Selling drugs is the way to be cool and have fun. Taurus There's almost certainly a more efficient way to get through life, but by this point you're pretty ...

I Can Dance—Now What?

Fox 8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT A compelling look into the lives of dancers who find out they have what it takes, but don't know anything but thinking they could maybe dance.

Bud Selig

Major League Baseball's ninth commissioner has presided over the sport's steroid era, gimmicky All-Star games, the introduction of interleague play, an all-out strike, and the most lucrative period in baseball history.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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