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Issue 4828

Captain Actual America Overweight, Hopelessly In Debt

Comic Con is once again marred by the increasingly popular Bully-Con, a weird glitch causes 'The Amazing Spider-Man' to reboot in the middle of the movie, and the 'Richie Rich' comic strip introduces a new, even gayer character.

Bin Laden's Cook Released From Gitmo

After 10 years as a prisoner at Guantánamo Bay, 52-year-old Ibrahim al-Qosi, who served as a cook at an al-Qaeda compound in Afghanistan, was released and allowed to return to Sudan.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

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