Curly Fry Inventor Strikes Out With Curly Veal

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Issue 4830

The Hell You Are Wearing That

Bravo 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT Fathers scrutinize their daughters’ clothing choices in a never-ending cycle of negative attention and attention-seeking. Based on the British show.

David Koch

Multibillionaire industrialist and archconservative David Koch gave $7 million to the PBS show Nova.

Ashley Hamilton

Sales executive Ashley Hamilton listened to a voicemail from her mom all the way through.

Pawn Stars

History 10:00 p.m. EDT/9:00 p.m. CDT Rick and Corey begrudgingly fork over $6 for the first four seasons of Pawn Stars on DVD.

Justin Upton

Numerous teams are considering a trade for Arizona Diamondbacks slugger Justin Upton. Is he any good?

Terry Molin

Terry Molin, 3, didn’t have a swim diaper on like he was supposed to at Crawdaddy Cove Water Park, but he didn’t have an accident, either.

Speculation About Romney's Taxes

As Democrats continue to press Mitt Romney to release more of his tax records, the Republican candidate has become more assertive in his rejection of such calls, leading many to speculate about what the filings contain.

Fred Willard A Huge Hit At Counseling Session

LOS ANGELES—Since his arrest last Wednesday on lewd conduct charges, actor and comedian Fred Willard has become "quite the hit" in his court-mandated counseling sessions, amused sources reported this week.

Drought Bad

Water Good

KANSAS CITY, MO—Sources nationwide are confirming this week that the current drought is bad and that water is very good.

Mitt Romney Soars In Polls After Leaving Country

WASHINGTON—According to a newly released USA Today/Gallup poll, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney's favorability has surged to 64 percent since he left the country Wednesday for a three-nation overseas trip.

Your Horoscopes - Week Of July 23, 2012

Aries You'll find it difficult to point out your assailant in court next week, but that's mainly because of what he’ll have done to your hands. Taurus Have the stars told you how wonderful you've looked lately? And...

Chick-Fil-A Debuts New Homophobic Sandwich

'Queer-Hatin' Cordon Bleu' Goes On Sale Wednesday

ATLANTA—As part of its recent efforts to publicly align itself with fundamentalist Christian values, the Chick-fil-A restaurant chain announced today the debut of its new Queer-Hatin' Cordon Bleu sandwich that would be on sale in all of the company'...


Fox 10:00 p.m. EDT/9:00 p.m. CDT Wheelchair-bound paraplegic paralegal Cindy Pratt doesn’t care if she ever walks again, just as long as that scumbag perp they’re prosecuting never does either. She’s not allowed in the courtroom to help...

Blood-Drenched, Berserk CEO Demands More Web Videos

'We Need More Videos!' Yells Crazed Executive While Beating Random Employee With Golf Club

NEW YORK—Screaming at the top of his lungs like a deranged lunatic and drenched in his own blood as well as the blood of his employees, CEO Jeff Potkul went berserk Friday and demanded his staff produce more web video content or he would ...

Details Of Paterno Family's Internal Report

Joe Paterno’s family has launched a private investigation into the Louis Freeh report that found the late Penn State football coach helped conceal Jerry Sandusky’s sexual abuse of children.
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